


In The Days That Follow

by Celinejaneway



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: Angst, Boss/Employee Relationship, F/F, F/M, Jacqueline x Jane, Jane x Jacqueline - Freeform, Janequeline - Freeform, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Pining, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2020-02-09 23:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18648079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celinejaneway/pseuds/Celinejaneway
Summary: When Jacqueline's husband is arrested for embezzlement, she finds comfort in an unexpected place, Jane.





	1. Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> I know I promised this story quite a while ago, forgive me for the delay. Though the tags list Jacqueline/Ian don't be mistaken this is a Janequeline story. Enjoy!

_Well you look like yourself_  
_But you're somebody else_  
_Only it ain't on the surface_  
_Well you talk like yourself_  
_No, I hear someone else though_  
_Now you're making me nervous_

You're Somebody Else -Flora Cash

 

A single ray of sun crossed her knuckles as she lightly drummed her fingers over the glossy wood conference table. Her burgundy suede heel hung from her toes as she impatiently shook her foot. One of the dozens of men that made up the board was speaking; which one she wasn’t sure as her eyes had yet to leave the black polish that adorned her fingers. She knew what was coming, the inevitable tongue lashing for printing Jane’s article. There was pomp and circumstance to attend to before getting to the point of course. When she finally lifted her head, she looked out the window and marveled at the buzz of the city below her. 

As the man who had been speaking finally finished, she saw Richard rise from his seat clearly uncomfortable; that piqued her curiosity. He straightened his tie and smoothed his lapels before clearing his throat to continue. She leaned forward elbows on the table in front of her and positioned her fingers in a steeple; ever the more curious as to what could possibly have Richard this shaken up. Every member of the board knew of her friendship with him. It was certainly a cruel tactic to have him deliver her reprimand.

“Jacqueline, the board has been presented with a disturbing piece of information. Stafford received an anonymous call stating that this morning the State Department would be filing an arrest warrant for your husband for embezzlement and fraud against his employer Simon & Fredrick.” Richard didn’t let his eyes leave her as he delivered the news. He tried to keep his voice as emotionless as possible but his eyes bled with compassion. Jacqueline began to chuckle at the absurd accusation. She stood and placed her hands on the table in front of her.

“I’m sure there has been a mistake, did you inquire into the validity of this anonymous phone call?” She kept her tone steady but her hand had begun to tremor ever so slightly.

“Yes, of course. I reached out to a prosecutor I know. He couldn’t give me any on the record information but as a friend he could assure me that this is very much real. Ian is under surveillance at the moment. They’re afraid he might flee the country if he’s tipped off.” Jacqueline thumped down in her chair and brought her hand to cover her mouth. Richard moved toward her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She placed her hand over his and managed a grateful smile.

“If they are afraid of him fleeing, then why tip us off?”

“That I don’t know.”

~~~~

Before she had even exited the board room, she was feverishly dialing Ian’s cell phone. It went straight to voicemail. She scrolled through her contacts for his office line, voicemail again. While she waited in the elevator, she steeled her nerves for the barrage that would soon greet her. She readied herself in the reflection of the doors, as the elevator dinged. It had been exactly 17 minutes since Richard had delivered the news. She’d seen Ian before she’d left that morning. He’d handed her the file folder she had almost forgotten on the counter and kissed her goodbye. She watched him walk toward his study; chipper as the day was long. Now she walked her normally triumphant path to her office but she felt frayed. Scarlet buzzed with its normal exuberance. Interns flew in every which direction trying to accomplish their assigned tasks while the phones rang endlessly. Each face that passed her smiled softly and echoed a ‘Good Morning Jacqueline’. No one turned with concern as she returned their greetings or while she inquired about their current projects; each person blissfully as unaware as the last.

She rounded the final corner until she was almost home free behind her glass palace; where she could focus on her work and not the storm that her husband was creating behind closed doors. She considered calling her lawyer but if the warrant had already been issued there was very little she could do but wait and see. There was still a possibility this was all one large misunderstanding. Jacqueline began to release the breath that she had been holding and started to close her office door behind her when a faint touch to her wrist caused her to stop.

“Hey, Jacqueline. Got a minute? I wanted to run my new pitch by you before the meeting just in case you hate it. That way I can be prepared with another one.”

Jacqueline turned to face the ever high-spirited Jane. The young woman wore a pristine white long sleeved dress cut mid thigh with gold buttons trailing along her side. Her new shorter straightened hair brushed just above her shoulder as she smiled expectantly.  As Jane caught Jacqueline’s eyes, her broad smile fell and a concerned knit formed in her brow.

"Are you ok?” Jane questioned her voice quieter than before.  Someone had noticed after all.

“Yes, I’m fine and you can wait to pitch your story until the meeting just like the rest of the writers.” Jacqueline didn’t wait for an answer; instead she closed the door behind her and went about her work; not seeing the confusion plastered across Jane’s face

~~~~

The watch on her wrist flashed 12:17pm.  She tried to listen intently as each writer pitched her yet another overplayed story idea. Normally she would encourage them to dig deeper but she was distracted and accepted rather blasé ideas. From where Jacqueline stood in the conference room, she could see the television screen in the bull pen. She was waiting for the inevitable. She’d called Ian’s cell at least a dozen times since this morning; all of which went to voicemail. When she had pressed Richard for more details, he said that the state department meant to make a spectacle of Ian. Now she was waiting for the explosion.

She was fully aware of Jane’s eyes on her as she half-heartedly listened to each pitch. She made the occasional ‘hmm’ and slight eye contact but she was hardly fully engaged. The brunette however was relentless with her stare. When it came time for her pitch, she paused and made sure Jacqueline was looking right at her before she spoke.

“Something that has peeked my interest lately has been secrets.” She said it without accusation. “The secret lives we lead, what we keep from our partners, our friends, even ourselves.  I’m thinking a piece along the lines of ‘Signs your significant other is keeping secrets?” Jacqueline stopped dead in her tracks and stared straight at Jane; her head cocked to the side, eyebrows raised. “I read a book about a woman who had no idea her husband had-“

“No, try again. It’s played out and…no.” Jacqueline stood and wiped her hands against each other. “Alright that seems to be enough for today, drafts on my desk Monday please.” Jacqueline was the first to exit the conference room. Jane tried to follow her, having not been assigned a story but was met with a closed door.

The hum of the office was still in full swing, there were four days until the new issue was to go to press and every moment was of the essence. Jacqueline immediately went to work on her ‘Editor’s Letter’; struggling to form even the most rudimentary sentences. After a significant amount of time at her desk, she looked up from her laptop to stretch her neck for a moment and saw the sea of employees in the bull pen part. Behind them a squad of men and women dressed in pressed slacks and navy blue wind breakers entered the office. The glaring yellow that read FBI on their backs parted the employees with ease. The agents began to separate and raid the conference rooms and nearby desks. Jacqueline quickly stood and pushed open her office door before she even had a moment to think.

“I sure as hell hope one of you has a warrant.” She addressed the woman clearly in charge.  In any other moment Jacqueline would have loved the red shade of her hair but now she was seeing a different kind of red.

“I’m Agent Shaw.” She extended her hand but wasn’t met with a handshake in return. “Unfortunately I believe we’ll be getting to know each other rather well.” The woman handed Jacqueline a piece of paper, no doubt the warrant. Jacqueline scanned the document but her eyes couldn’t seem to focus. Words like indictment and embezzlement jumped out at her. She tried to steady her expression but her face no doubt gave away her panic and there was no mistake she was panicking.

“Your husband was arrested about an hour ago on three counts of embezzlement, as of right now you are not on that arrest warrant but it seems he might have been using Scarlet as a laundering front. This will all go a lot easier if you cooperate. Where’s your computer?” Jacqueline pointed to her office but her eyes didn’t follow her finger.  As an agent began to close and unplug her laptop, it hit her.

“Stop! The next issue of Scarlet is on there.”

“Sorry, Ma’am, it’s property of the US government now.” A young tech gave her a sympathetic smile and tucked the computer under his arm. Jacqueline’s jaw dropped slightly. She watched in slow motion as the agents ransacked her office and all the common areas of the Scarlet bullpen. Her employees stood watching and waiting for Jacqueline to react but she couldn’t move. There was no possible way that Ian had done what they were accusing him of. She had to shake herself out of this state of shock. Her posture straightened and she looked out at the numerous eyes that were begging her for direction. Her lips moved but words weren’t forming. She clenched her fists and felt the pressure of her nails in her palm. Oliver stepped next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He whispered into her ear.

“I’ve got this.” He squeezed her shoulder lightly. She faced him, gratitude apparent in her eyes. “Alright everyone, it looks like we are working from scratch. Alex, take what you can of what’s left on the mock up board and copies of existing stories. Red, I need something to fill the spot for the Sedona shoot. The proofs were on that laptop. I expect each of you to keep the gossip to a minimum and get back to work.” Oliver winked at Jacqueline and mouthed ‘Go’. As she turned to grab her purse from her office, Andrew blocked her way.

“The board wants to see you upstairs, asap.” Andrews’s normally sarcastic smile was replaced by genuine concern. Jacqueline grabbed her phone from her desk and turned on her heels sharply, heading toward the elevators.  As she walked through the bullpen she tried her damndest not to catch anyone’s eyes and she was about to succeed until Jane’s short stature put her in the perfect position to meet her head on. The girl was innately sweet but being understanding was not always her strong suit. Jacqueline expected to see judgment in her eyes but instead she saw soft concern. Jane’s lips lifted slightly at the sides but her brow was furrowed.

Jacqueline turned away from her expression quickly as her voice caught in her throat. She hastily pushed the up arrow on the elevator and was eternally grateful when the door opened immediately. She quickly got in and stared straight ahead as the shiny mirrored doors slid shut. She rocked on her heels as her mind swirled. The ride to the 50thfloor was quicker than she recalled, as the ding of the doors opening pulled her from her thoughts. She had begun to bite her nails but quickly moved her hand to her side as she walked toward the receptionist. The young man was all smiles.

“Mrs. Carlyle, they are waiting for you in the west conference room. Would you like anything to drink?” His cheery disposition irritated her but she managed not to snap at him and declined his offer. She walked past the large mahogany reception desk and took a sharp left. She tucked her hair behind her ears and took a beat to breathe normally before pushing the enormous conference room doors open. The full detail of board members looked back at her each with a similar expression of disappointment except for Richard. Sweet Richard, a friend she hardly deserved.

“Jacqueline, you’ve had a busy morning I see.” Milton Bradshaw a senior member of the board didn’t stand as he addressed her. His arthritic hands intertwined as his elbows rested on the lavish office chair he sat in. “I’ll cut to the chase. In light of the revelation that Scarlet might be at the center of this shit storm, we are asking you to step down for the time being. We should have seen this coming but having you in anyway associated with a State Department investigation puts us all at risk.” Jacqueline began to protest but Milton continued to talk over her. “This is not up for debate. We’ve already received a report of your floor in chaos. I understand that it is your husband that is under investigation and not you or we would be having a very different discussion but you are still at the center of this behemoth. Surprising, he’s a good man I would expect him to have a better head on his shoulders. Nonetheless, we can’t afford a misstep at the moment, especially not with merger negotiations.”

“Are you firing me?” Jacqueline said with more than a little vitriol.

“No. That would be worse press than we will already be dealing with. You’ll be on leave until this whole matter is sorted out.”

“Who made the complaint?”

“That is not important. Patrick will take the reins of print as well as digital until we can be sure that your name has been cleared. Finish the current issue and your leave will start immediately following its publication.”

“Well that clears up who made the complaint. The press will think I’m involved if I suddenly take a sabbatical.”

“Nonsense, we will assure them that you are concerned about your boys during this trying time and will return when the time is right.” At the mention of her children, Jacqueline’s jaw tightened and she grinded her teeth; they would not be used as a pawn in his twisted logic. “However, if you are found to be even remotely involved, I will gladly relieve you of your position. This is closed for discussion.” Milton stood and exited as did the rest of the members present. Richard lingered as the conference room emptied.

“I know it’s not ideal or even remotely just but it’s only temporary. In the meantime, I’ll fight to get you back as soon as possible. Take the time to focus on your family.” He leaned in and gave her a light hug and a kiss on the cheek, rubbing her arm slightly as he exited. She stood staring out the window, for how long she wasn’t sure.

There were too many things running through her mind to even begin to focus. As she shuddered, the small sympathetic smile Jane had given her came to mind and it was enough to finally force a solitary tear to trickle down her cheek.

~~~~

The 20th precinct was hardly a place of luxury, the rusting iron bars clanged as they were being slammed shut. She hadn’t stopped by the office after leaving the board room. Instead she needed answers and the only person who could give them to her was Ian. She’d contacted their lawyer Samantha Tilbet and was told she could visit after his initial arraignment. She hadn’t attended the proceeding though she probably should have. She needed to hear the full story from her husband and not what the district attorney was presenting. Samantha had warned her of just how serious the charges were and how compelling the evidence was against him. A small creeping doubt had started to linger the longer she sat with the information. _Had he been acting strange as of late? Was she one of the clueless spouses Jane wanted to write about?_ She needed to see Ian’s face. She thought that if she could just hear it from him she’d know for sure.

In the blur of the afternoon, she sat exhausted in a cold plastic chair. Jacqueline had called her mother and asked her to please pickup the boys from school and bring them to the loft. They didn’t need to be a part of this circus. She’d spoken to them briefly and assured them everything was going to be fine, though she was far from sure of that herself.

“Mrs. Carlyle. This way.” An officer escorted her to a private makeshift visitation room. Her clout in the city had afforded her at least this privilege. “I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything. Your lawyer should be here shortly.” Jacqueline nodded her thanks and breathed deeply. The room was still empty and she was beginning to hate the quiet. It made it increasingly difficult to ignore the chaos swirling around her. She sat at the solitary table in the middle of the converted conference room.

The door on the opposite side of the room opened and Ian entered. He looked worse for the wear, clad in an olive government issued sweat suit. Normally she would have smiled at seeing him and automatically embraced him but she continued to sit. His face was drawn and pale, no doubt tired and frayed like she felt.

“Hello, darling.” Ian walked toward her and leaned down to kiss her but he stopped when he saw that she was not moving toward him. Instead he back tracked and sat across from her in silence.

“Please tell me you didn’t do this.” Her voice was more pleading than she would have liked. He began to answer but the shift in his face told her everything she needed to know.

“Jackie, it’s more complicated than that I would never put you and the boys at risk if it wasn’t necessary.” Ian leaned forward and picked up her hands. She studied his face for a moment and saw how sincere his eyes pleaded for her loyalty and she knew he was lying to her. About what she wasn’t sure but she could feel her chest try to cave in on itself.  “You have to understand.” He reached his hands up to touch her face but she pulled away, releasing her hands from his as well.

“I don’t understand. How could I? Twenty years… we have been married for twenty years and you think I can’t tell when you’re lying to me. We certainly don’t need the money and… the boys. Did you think about them? Or me? Or anything?” Her voice was hoarse but it became colder as her anger over took her better judgment. “Tell me why?”

“Jackie, I love you and the boys.”

“Don’t you dare. This is not how you express love.” She stood no longer able to contain her anger. “The board asked me to step aside because of you. You’ve put our entire lives at risk. ” She refused to give him the sympathy he was looking for. Every emotion that she had been holding at bay, every slight piece of hope that she had binding her from falling apart, suddenly came crashing down. Ian saw the change in her expression and leaned back in his chair.

“Everything I've ever done has been for you and our boys. I need you to stick by me.” Ian’s voice was sweet but reserved. Jacqueline's sadness and anger mixed so perfectly in her eyes that Ian swore he saw something pass across her face that he hadn't seen before, betrayal. Jacqueline leaned in toward him, standing as she did.

“Do not pretend for a second that your motives for doing this were anything but selfish.” Jacqueline deliberately pushed her chair in towards the table and straighten her posture. “Ian I've loved you for more than half my life. I’ve accepted you for who you are but I can’t accept this.” Jacqueline turned on a dime and slowly let the door close behind her. Once the door was shut, she swallowed the emotions that threatened to overtake her and she exited the police station.

 

~~~~

The office had reached a modicum of normal. Everyone was hurrying about their business and working on their individual projects but Jane’s eyes continued to be drawn to the empty glass office across the room. Patrick had taken on the appointed but much resented roll of interim editor despite Jacqueline’s requested appointment of Oliver to the position. Oliver frantically tried to get the advertisers back on board as Kat and Sutton had both moved their work stations closer to Jane during the chaos.

“Should I text her?” Jane asked her friends as she stared at her phone.

“Who?” Sutton asked as she organized a box of Parisian scarves.

“Jacqueline.”

“No!” Sutton and Kat rang in unison.

“But she needs to know we care.”

“This is a hugely personal issue, Jane. I think she has more important things to think about.” Kat scratched Jane’s back lightly. “It’s still sweet that you care.”

“She’s right it’s adorably sweet but the best thing we can do for Jacqueline right now is our jobs.” Sutton kissed the top of Jane’s head and headed to the fashion department but not before she yelled back “I love you Tiny Jane and your borderline stalker sweetness!” Sutton laughed as she walked away.

“Hey!” Jane protested.

“She’s right.” Kat echoed. She grabbed her phone quickly and bee-lined it for the conference room before Jane could protest again.  
               

~~~~

 

It was a quarter past ten and Jane found herself unable to sleep. It was a relatively quiet night for Brooklyn standards and the peace of the evening made her even more uneasy. She couldn't get the look on Jacqueline’s face out of her mind. She replayed the moment of Jacqueline trying to hold her composure while walking through the bullpen on her way to see the board. She'd asked Sutton if Richard had any information but all he would say was it was Jacqueline's news to give and not his.

She hadn’t heard a thing since she’d seen her disappear behind the elevator doors, even the evening news was repeating the same small bits of information they had that morning. Each station reported that Ian had been arrested on suspicion of embezzlement and was being held without bail.

Jane had opened her phone at least a dozen times ready to text Jacqueline and each time she decided it was not her place to interfere.  She knew heeding her friend’s warnings would save them all a lot of grief but she couldn't shake the nagging feeling that a little bit of support was exactly what Jacqueline needed right now. For at least the thirteenth time that evening she unlocked her phone and opened a blank text message and began to type.

_If you need anything at all just ask._

Jane wanted it to sound simple, comforting but not pushy. She tapped on the side of her phone unsure if her meaning was being conveyed. She deleted the message and started to type a fresh draft.

_Hope you're doing well. Don't worry about the office we've got it under control._

She erased the message again realizing that one had sounded a little too ‘get well’ card-ish for Jane's liking. Maybe the third time's the charm.

_The Scarlet family is here for you if you need anything._

Jane immediately erased the message. That was not at all what she wanted to say. Too frustrated to continue, Jane threw her phone against the bed and buried her head in a pillow with an unceremonious ‘ugh’.  Maybe Sutton and Kat were right and Jane should keep her nose out of it. She flipped over and fluffed the pillow underneath her head a few times trying to get comfortable. She was going to hunt down sleep if it was the last thing she did. Her mind wandered in and out of a restful state but never quite made it to sleep. When she turned to look at her alarm clock it was just after midnight. That damn text message was still driving her crazy and if she was going to get any sleep at all tonight she was going to have to do something.

Her now sleep deprived mind was even worse at decision making than her normal one. While mulling it over for the millionth time, she haphazardly grabbed her phone off the nightstand and typed out her original message 

_If you need anything at all just ask_

She pushed send before she had a chance to stop herself. She watched the white screen blankly for a moment before the implications of her message smacked her straight in the face. She had put her nose into her boss's very personal life and to make it even worse it was after midnight. Jane dropped the phone and her hands automatically went to rub her eyes. _What have I done_?

 

*****

 

  Jacqueline had tucked both of her boys in though they were both far too grown to need it. She was the one that needed it this time. When she had arrived home, she had planned on having a talk with them about Ian but when she saw their smiling faces she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead they made spaghetti and watched a movie as if the world hadn’t been thrown off of its axis. Neither of her sons mentioned when their father didn’t come home and she didn’t press them on it.

She wasn't sure what time it was when she heard her phone buzz; clearly too late for it to be anything but an emergency so she ran straight to it. She didn't think she could take another surprise today. When her thumb swiped to open her phone she saw a solitary text from quite an unexpected source. Her mind went back to the understanding face that stared straight into her eyes as she walked to the elevator earlier that morning. _Had it really only just been that morning_? This was the first moment that she had had to truly let the implications of the prior hours smack her full force in the chest.

_If you need anything at all just ask_

She needed quite a lot in that moment but the one thing that came to mind more than anything else was… support.  Jacqueline had a slew of friends and family and an even larger swath of acquaintances that normally fought for her time. But today in the midst of the most tumultuous day of her life, she hadn't received a single call or text message from any of them. She knew the news had reached far and wide. She had the evening news muted in the background and casting a blue glow on the otherwise dark room to prove it. Yet not a single one of them had reached out.  Leaning against her bedroom wall, she read Jane’s message again and the dam that had been holding back her tears since that morning burst. She slid down the wall and brought her knees to her chest, letting her broken heart weep.

 

*****

Jane was checking her phone feverishly. Surely if she had truly crossed the line Jacqueline wouldn't shy away from telling her so.  Finally the lone message she had sent had a small check mark in the lower right-hand corner, it had been read. She waited to see any signs of life and kept checking to see if Jacqueline was typing a response but nothing changed. She would drive herself crazy if she continued on like this and it was nearly 2 a.m. now. Jane finally decided to lock her phone and bury her head in her pillow. She would deal with her fate in the morning. As sleep finally greeted the worried brunette, a response was sent.   

_Thank you_

 


	2. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the kind comments and kudos. I really do love them, even if all you wanna do is scream in caps I'm happy to see it!
> 
>  
> 
> Janequeline Spotify Mix
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/celinejaneway/playlist/70akmV9PRflEahg1ZQso7g?si=k_q9yhgsS1-jSFvEMrRH-w

_Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line)_  
_To say you're the only one breaking me down like this_  
_You're the only one I would take a shot on_  
_Keep me hanging on so contagiously_

_So Contagious by Acceptance_

 

 

 

The wave of flashbulbs was blinding. A gaggle of reporters with their cameramen in tow littered the street outside Jacqueline’s building. They hadn’t been camped out as of the night before but trying to leave for work was a different story. She’d dressed that morning ready for a fight; perfectly tailored blazer in blood red and midnight black leather pants. Her pristine makeup was every bit her war paint. She didn't shield her eyes or bow her head though her reflexes were shouting for her to do just that.

“Jacqueline did you know your husband was a criminal?” One reporter shouted before thrusting a microphone into her face. It was undetectable to the untrained eye but Jacqueline flinched.

“Are you involved?” Another one yelled. Then the questions became a wall of sound and she was unable to hear anything but chaos. She could feel the heat from the crowd that was forming around her, every one of them a piranha wanting a piece of her. A hand reached out and pulled her toward her car, her driver had thankfully been waiting and used his rather large frame as a shield to get her safely away from the press. It wasn’t lost on her that ‘the press’ no longer included her. They were suddenly the enemy, many of whom she had called friends just 24 hours before.

 She knew this dance. They were looking for strands to grasp at. She wasn't the criminal here; her only mistake had been blind trust.  Something that she'd had a very long lonely night to think all about. After receiving Jane’s text, she had pulled out her family photo album and poured herself a glass of whiskey. She didn’t drink often or much but she had an 80 year old bottle of Ian’s favorite locked in the liquor cabinet and she’d felt the need to indulge.  She watched the amber liquid slosh as she moved the glass and she was back in Ireland for their honeymoon.

They’d married rather quickly after meeting, a real life whirlwind romance .They were both reluctant to take any time away from their new careers but Jacqueline had agreed upon a week in Ireland. The country was majestic, sprawled with luscious country sides and jagged cliffs. She’d never been so in love with a place and a person at the same time. They’d bought into a very small distillery and now she looked at the bottle in her hand from that very establishment. She felt the comfort of that time being peeled away just as she was peeling the bottles label back.

The slam of the car door brought her back to the present. Her driver had ushered her into the back seat and pushed the reporters back from the car. The interior was thankfully quiet. Once her driver was in the car, he nodded his ‘good morning’ and offered her his usual smile, wanting nothing more from her. She looked out the tinted windows at the reporters still trying to steal a glimpse of their latest headline.

 

~~~~

 

Jane woke with a startle when her alarm clock began to blare at exactly 8 a.m. She had finally gotten a few meager hours of sleep. The first thing on her mind had also been the last thing on her mind. She grabbed for her phone and saw that yes indeed she did have a new text message. She took a moment before opening it knowing that she could very well be getting a reprimand. When she finally opened it, she saw the simple message that Jacqueline had replied and she smiled to herself.

 She got ready rather quickly despite her extreme fatigue. She highly doubted she would see Jacqueline at the office that day but just in case she wanted to make sure that she was fully presentable and ready to help in any way possible. She asked for a double shot of espresso in her latte that morning and grabbed a bagel from the shop around the corner from her apartment.   

She was actually running early for once but she jogged up the stairs and into the Scarlet offices none the less. When she saw the look on the receptionist’s face, Jane stopped to question her only to be interrupted by yelling.

“I told you to never put fresh flowers on the edge of this desk. Andrew, are you incompetent?” a loud crash from the bullpen sounded and Jane hurried around the corner. She saw a pile of glass shards on the floor and flowers weaved among them. Jacqueline stood over the mess, her face red even through her makeup. Andrew had scurried off to get a dust pan, distress painted on his face. Jacqueline looked up and scanned the bullpen.  Her employees had made themselves scarce, inadvertently creating a bubble around her. She bit at the corner of her lips, the beginnings of shame creeping into her expression.

“Are you ok?” Jane ran to Jacqueline’s side, clearly startling her. Jane looked back toward the receptionist who was shaking her head and mouthing ‘stay away’. Jane cocked her head back in surprise.            

“Jane...uh..yes I’m fine. What are you doing here?” She averted her gaze and shoed Jane away when she started to pick up the glass.         

“Oh, here right next to you or here at work?” Jacqueline raised her head; her eyebrow lifted causing Jane’s cheeks to blush slightly. She stepped back and took a moment before continuing to speak. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Why’s that, we have an issue due and our latest draft was confiscated. If I didn’t expect an upheaval I’d have the entire staff here 24 hours a day until we were caught up.”

“I just meant you might have more pressing things to take care of today.” Jane regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She stepped back slightly as Jacqueline raised her gaze and bore a stare right through her. “I…mean. Is there anything I can help with, since I’m already caught up with my story?” Jane smiled through her slight terror. Jacqueline let out a heavy sigh and let her shoulders drop. She motioned with two fingers for Jane to follow her as she walked to her office and shut the door behind them.

“I know you are just trying to help and I wish I knew what I needed help with but I don’t.” She plopped down in her chair and leaned her head back before staring at the ceiling. “Do we have an audience?” Jacqueline pointed toward the bull pen. Jane craned her head toward her coworkers who had all begun to slowly make their way back to their desks.

“Yes.”

“I’ve never snapped at an employee like that before.” Jacqueline sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jane asked tentatively. Jacqueline finally met her gaze. More than one excruciating second passed, as she studied her face. The Editor in Chief couldn’t quite figure out why Jane cared enough to risk being in her presence at the moment. Surely she had witnessed her explosion at Andrew. “Whenever I’m stuck on a story you always say to talk it through out loud.” Jane took the chair across from her and sat, setting her bag down, and ready to listen. Jacqueline sat up straight, the beginnings of a nervous leg twitch threatening her.

“While that is good story advice, it’s a bit more complicated when it comes to my life."

“Try me.” Jane sat still and smiled. Jacqueline wrung her hands and eyed the incredulous girl. It wasn’t a matter of Jacqueline’s unwillingness to speak about her husband’s betrayal; it was who she would be speaking to. She had always prided herself on being a supportive but boundaries oriented boss; though those lines had always been slightly blurred with Jane. She had tried to reach out to friends and lessen her burden but she hadn’t received a single call or text message back. Even her mother, though helpful, wasn’t the person for Jacqueline to unload her sorrows upon. _The difficult times really do show you who your friends are_.  Right now the only person who seemed to be in Jacqueline’s corner was Jane. She knew she’d shared a far more personal story with Jane before but this was still a very fresh wound. She took a deep breath.           

“I went to see Ian yesterday.” She took another deep breath. “I expected him to explain that everything had been one big misunderstanding. Instead… he lied to me.” Jacqueline cleared her throat but didn’t let her eyes leave Jane.

“I’m so sorry. What did he say?” Jane’s hand hovered over her own thigh itching to reach out toward Jacqueline’s hand that was now placed on the desk. She desperately wanted to reach out but any physical contact they had ever had, had always been initiated by the older woman. Jacqueline watched Jane’s hand tremor ever so slightly. The concern in her eyes was palpable.

“It wasn’t what he said. He…You know what Jane, we have work to do. If you want to be helpful start cataloguing the ads for the next issue.” She stood abruptly and started to organize the papers on her desk, lifting her now cold gaze to meet Jane’s.

“Oh, yes. Of course, I’ll…I can do that.” Jane’s eyes flickered down to her hands.

 

~~~~

                Normally partying would be left to the weekends but the office had become a hellscape.  No one had ever seen Jacqueline be as cold and calculating as she was now. The cheery atmosphere of Scarlet was a shell of what it normally was and the stress was getting to the girls. Around lunch time, it was decided they would make an exception and the Thursday night festivities were now in full swing. It was Kat’s turn to choose the activity and she had picked a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant in Chelsea. It seemed like an odd choice to Sutton and Jane until they arrived and saw the _Mariachi Battle of the Bands_ sign. She had secured a booth in the back with a perfect view of the stage.   

“Alright Ladies, welcome to the 20th annual Mariachi Margarita Playoff; for every band that gets kicked off the stage, we drink!” Kat squeaked with excitement and lifted her hand to get the waiters attention. “First round is on me!”. Sutton was now the one excitedly clapping. They fell into a comfortable conversation but Sutton’s eyes kept falling back to a sullen Jane.              

“Hun, what’s wrong?” Sutton scooched closer to her and rubbed her hands up and down her arms.

“Do you remember how you said not to text Jacqueline?” Jane shouted over the trio of guitars strumming.

“You didn’t, did you?” Kat grabbed her hand. “What did you say?” 

“Basically I told her I was there for her and would help if she needed anything.” 

“Is that why she beckoned you into her office this morning?” Sutton chimed in.

“No actually, well kind of. She replied ‘Thank You’ to the text message but I’m worried. I’ve never seen her like she was today. She started to open up to me and then out of nowhere she just clammed up. I ended up doing grunt work for the rest of the day just to keep my promise of helping her. She wouldn’t even make eye contact with me after that. That’s not like her at all.” Jane leaned back and put her head on the back of the booth. Sutton leaned her head on Jane’s shoulder and swirled the straw in her newly delivered margarita. 

“Jane, I hate to say this but you don’t really know Jacqueline; not in this capacity at least.”

“I do too kno-.” Kat tilted her head to the side, scrunching her nose. “You’re right, I don’t know her. After the BRCA blowup, I thought I got to know her a lot better and especially when I was writing the article about her but she only ever let me know what she wanted me to. Grrr, I feel so stupid for even trying. I seriously said ‘Wanna talk about it?” Jane leaned forward and placed her head in her hands on the table. Sutton continued to rub her back and mouthed ‘Oh my God?’ to Kat; who shrugged her shoulders and went about tasting the mango margarita in front of her.

“Jane don’t worry she has a lot on her plate. I’ll admit I was a little taken a back by her behavior today too but if I was the center of a media circus and my marriage was probably falling apart; I’d be a mess too.” Kat ordered another round for the table and the trio proceeded to lick their wounds from the trying day.

 

                ~~~~  
               

                Jacqueline drummed her fingers on the empty mug in front of her as she leaned over her kitchen counter. She’d risen before the sun. The quiet house afforded her a moment to breathe and she spent her first waking moments completing her favorite ritual. She opened the white cabinet above the sink and retrieved the steel bladed grinder that Ian had given her for Christmas. She tried to usher the sentimental thoughts from her mind as she open a mason jar of coffee beans that sat on the end of the kitchen island. She poured filtered water into her gold rimmed French press and waited as the liquid seeped and turned into her greatest indulgence.

She had decided not to inform her staff that she would be leaving after the current issue until after it was sent in for publication. She didn't want the added hassle of being asked questions that she didn't have answers to. She had shot off a quick text to Richard asking him to inform the board that she would appreciate being able to tell her staff in her own time.  Not that they would care much after how she had behaved. They would all no doubt be glad they could stop walking on egg shells. Every bit of reputation she had built over the past decade as a kind and just Editor was smashed with that vase yesterday.

One thought kept lingering as she stirred milk into her coffee. She couldn’t seem to shake how passionate Jane was about helping her. Jacqueline had nearly bitten her and everyone’s heads off  but she had still promptly completed every task she was given no matter how absurd. Jacqueline shook her head slightly and continued putting sugar into her steaming mug. 

She had spent almost the entirety of Thursday in the office and she was hell bent on having a real conversation with her sons before they left for the summer this morning. It had only been 48 hours since the news had broken and the press had hounded not only her but her children relentlessly. They didn’t need to be subjected to the media circus that hung over their father’s trial for a second longer.

She’d reached out yet again to some of her closest girlfriends but the radio silence continued. She’d spoken to her lawyer the afternoon before only to find out that nothing had changed. There would be a hearing to schedule the trial within the next few days and until then Ian was stuck in limbo. Though she wouldn’t admit it, she was glad for the moment away from him to process. 

“Mom.” Her eldest son James surprised her as he came into the kitchen. “We can stay. It’s not that big of a deal. I don’t want you to be alone all summer.” He hugged her and pulled out a stool from the island. He’d always been good at reading her even when she hadn’t said a word.              

“You’re very sweet. No, I’m fine. You’ve been excited about camp for months. You and your brother are going to have the best time in Vermont. There’ll be kayaking, fishing, rock climbing. Honestly, I’ll be fine.” She smiled as genuinely as she could muster, trying not to let her face give away her lie. Despite her best efforts, his smile fell. 

“Are we going to talk about Dad?” He had never been one to pull a punch and his words did indeed feel like a punch in the gut.

“Of course, I wanted to wait until your brother woke up so we could have a family discussion but I don’t want you to worry. What do you want to know?” She took a sip of her coffee and pulled out the stool next to him.

“Is he going to prison?” James looked down at his hands and fiddled with his fingers. Jacqueline quickly pulled him into an embrace.             

“I don’t know but I will always be here for you and your brother. You have so many people that love you; I don’t want you to worry about any of that.” She brushed his overgrown hair from his forehead and placed a kiss on top of his head. James nodded and got up to make himself a bowl of cereal. As Jacqueline lifted the mug to her lips again, a notification chimed from her phone. Her heart raced, relieved that someone was finally getting back to her. She turned her phone over and unlocked the screen.

 

_I’m sorry if I overstepped yesterday._

Jacqueline smiled despite herself and shook her head lightly. She hadn’t meant to push Jane away so abruptly but she should have known by the betrayed look in her eyes after their conversation in her office that she would be mulling over the interaction.

                _You didn’t, let’s discuss it later._

She held the power button on her phone and watched as the phone shut down. This morning was about her boys. If her ‘friends’ weren’t going to reach out, then she wouldn’t hold her breath. She’d be damned if anyone interrupted her last few hours with her sons.

 

**~~~~**

             After Jacqueline had answered Jane’s text message so quickly she was anxious to get their conversation under way. She waited at her desk to be summoned to the boss’s office but the day continued on without a single word from the Editor in Chief. She had made eye contact with her the first three times she’d passed through the bullpen and received a smile in return each time but nothing more.

Jane’s current assignment was interesting but hardly intriguing enough to distract her. She ventured a glance over at the glass encased office more than a few times and Andrew rolled his eyes and huffed at her each time she did. Just before noon, Andrew got up and made his way to Jane’s desk, sauntering in his unique style.

“Jacqueline made lunch reservations for you at STK. Be ready to leave in ten. She’ll have a car waiting for you downstairs.” Andrew scowled and turned dramatically as he walked off toward the elevators.              

“You couldn’t have told me about this an hour ago?” Andrew shrugged without turning around as Jane stood and gathered her belongings quickly. She flung her purse over her shoulder and caught Sutton’s eyes as she was rushing toward the elevator. She pulled out her phone and quickly sent a message to their group chat.

 

 _Lunch with Jacqueline!!??_  

_Fancy. Why?_

_No idea._

 When Jane arrived at the car, Vincent, Jacqueline’s usual driver, opened the rear passenger door for her. She carefully held her short skirt in place, trying to slide into the car gracefully. Despite her attempt to smoothly duck into the car, she smacked her knee on the side of the door and fell backwards onto the backseat. When she looked up, she was face to face with Jacqueline’s blue eyes. She had missed landing in her lap by inches. She quickly fumbled with her purse that was caught on the door handle; the seat belt somehow wrapping around her ankle. Jacqueline placed her hand on the frantic woman’s shoulder, easing her panicky expression.  She leaned over Jane and untangled her ankle and purse with ease.

“That was quite an entrance.” Jacqueline’s smile reached her ears as she took a beat, her hand still firmly placed on Jane’s shoulder. A small piece of the Jacqueline that Jane did know was shining through again.

“I’m sure graceful will be the first word that comes to mind when you think of me now.” Jane placed her hands over her purse that sat in her lap and bowed her head to meet them.

“I’m actually glad this happened.”

"You’re glad I fell and made a fool out of myself.”

“In a manner of speaking, yes. Jane, I don’t bite.  Despite what my less than stellar attitude yesterday might have implied, you can speak freely and be yourself around me. I quite enjoy the person you are.” The radiant smile from a moment before returned, this time followed by Jane’s as well. Jane nodded her head in relief. They enjoyed the rest of the ride in silence.

 When the car pulled up to STK, the Maitre D’ was waiting for them on the curb.  Jane’s jaw was slack,  she occasionally forgot how big of a deal Jacqueline was in this city. Vincent opened Jacqueline’s door first and Jane watched her greet the man waiting with a kiss on the cheek. Vincent quickly opened her door as well offering her his hand. He had apparently witnessed her stumble from before.

“Jane, this is Phillip. He’s an old friend.” Jacqueline had her hand placed on his back and smiled gracefully at him. Jane began to reach her hand to shake his when she saw a swarm approaching out of the corner of her eye. Before she could react, there were photographers and reporters surrounding them.

“Jacqueline, do you think your husband is innocent?” A blonde man yelled.  Jacqueline took Jane’s hand and brought her close to her, trying to shield her from the onslaught while making their way to the restaurant.

“How are your kids holding up?”  Another reporter held her microphone out as Jacqueline turned quickly still attached to Jane. Her sweet smile turned venomous.

“My children are off limits.” She looked to Vincent who quickly with the help of Phillip ushered them inside through the throngs. As Phillip slammed the door behind them, Jane looked behind her at the mob now plastered against the window. When she turned around, Jacqueline was leaning on her elbows out of view of the photographers. Her head placed in her free hand rubbing her forehead, the other still firmly held onto Jane.

“Are you ok?” Jane moved closer toward her and whispered for only her to hear. Jacqueline turned her head, still leaning on her hand and gave her a forced smile. She squeezed Jane’s hand gently before letting go.

“I’m starving; let’s sit.” She didn’t pay the reporters another second of attention. Phillip ushered them to the back booths that offered the greatest privacy. Once seated, Jacqueline stared across the booth making Jane squirm slightly. “Do you know why I invited you to lunch?”

“Not a clue. Andrew didn’t even tell me about it until ten minutes before I was supposed to meet you.” Jane held a slight scowl at the memory. Jacqueline snickered.

“I wanted to thank you again for your concern. We still have a deadline so we can’t linger but I figured we still have to eat and I wanted to show my gratitude.” Jacqueline leaned in slightly as Jane grabbed for the glass of water to her right, drinking it greedily. Her throat suddenly very parched. “. It’s painful to admit but you were the only person who reached out when Ian was arrested.” She took a heavy breath and turned her head to the side in an ill-fated attempt at masking her hurt. Jane knit her brows and gave a half smile before she reached out and covered Jacqueline’s hand with her own.

"You’re welcome.”

“I hope you know I value your friendship, even if I can’t always show it...that is if you'll have me.” Jacqueline turned her hand in Jane’s and squeezed it. At the mention of them being friends Jane couldn’t help but smile.

“I would love that.”

“Good. Just know that there are boundaries that I have to keep in place for the sake of Scarlet.” Jacqueline lightly lifted her hand from under Jane’s.

“I understand and I want you to know that I really didn't mean to intrude before and if I made anything more difficult for you I'm so sorry.” Jacqueline stopped Jane from going off on a tangent of apology by lightly placing her hand on the girl's elbow. Jane’s eyes crinkled at the edges as her lips curled up nearly reaching her eyes. Jacqueline quickly flagged down Philip

“Please have the sommelier bring us a ’97 Chateau Margaux.” She winked at Jane ever-so-slightly.

“That's a very expensive bottle of wine you don't have to do that.”

“I said this was a thank you and I meant it.” Jacqueline smirked as Philip nodded and begin to walk towards the wine cellar. “I won't tell that we've been drinking on lunch if you won't.” Jane pretended to zip her lips and throw the key over her shoulder.

"Well then since we are friends now, I'm going to take a chance and ask how are things going?” Jane chewed on her lips as she watched Jacqueline take a heavy breath lifting her shoulders and putting her head back slightly as she did.

“If I'm being honest it's been very surreal but I'll manage. It's not me I'm the most worried about.” Jacqueline stopped for a moment and stared off into space, the moisture in the corner of her eyes fighting against her eyelids as her resolve fought against her need to crumble again.

“We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.” 

“No I need to. The demons you don't call out by name are the ones that come barreling out when you least expect it. Or cause you to scream at your boss in the middle of the bullpen.” Jacqueline smiled through her teasing as Jane mocked indignation. “It's my boys that I'm most worried about. I’m worried about what the other children will say to them at school. Mostly I worry about the shadow that they'll have to grow up under if Ian is convicted. Luckily the next couple weeks they will be away at camp so hopefully they'll find a reprieve in the mountains.”

“Children are resilient and your kids have the most amazing mother. I’m sure they will grown up to be wonderful men.” That was all it took for Jacqueline to need to excuse herself and dry her tears in the bathroom.

 

~~~~~

               As Jane walked off the elevator and into the office the next morning, a hush laid over the normally busy floor. Everyone from the receptionist to Lauren stopped dead in their tracks to stare at Jane as she walked by. Just when she was about to question their strange behavior, two sets of hands grabbed her by the shoulders and drug her into the fashion closet.

“What the hell guys?!” Jane shoved her best friends off of her and wiped at the coffee that was now running down her sleeve. “What is going on? Why is everyone staring at me and which one of you is going to pay to have my shirt dry cleaned?” 

“I’m guessing you haven’t seen the paper this morning then?” Kat grabbed a napkin from her bag and helped Jane clean herself up while Sutton picked out a new shirt for her. 

“No I haven’t but what does that have to do with the two of you and everyone else for that matter losing their damn minds?” Jane threw away her cardboard coffee cup and unbuttoned her ruined top, tossing it aside. She grabbed the new shirt from Sutton and slid her arms into the sleeves. Kat grabbed the paper from her bag and held it up for Jane to read. 

“Oh shit!” Jane plopped down onto a lounger, not bothering to button her shirt. Plastered across Page Six was a paparazzi shot of Jane holding Jacqueline’s hand as she fought back tears in the restaurant booth. Another zoomed in shot of Jacqueline holding her hand while pulling her through the mass of reporters was placed next to it. The headline read:

_Cougar Carlyle: ‘Out’ on the Town While Husband’s in Jail?_

 


	3. Disillusioned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had contemplated rewriting this chapter after I saw the finale. You'll notice there are some similarities in situation that arise. Thankfully I was convinced by the ever epic superkitten to keep what I had originally written despite the show having done something similar. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your wonderful and insightful comments on the last chapter, I super dig them. They always light up my day. Keep them coming. Hope you enjoy this new chapter!

_I was the desert honey you were the sand_  
_I was a bird baby you were the branch_  
_I flew into the blue and watched those flowers dying_

_Hey pretty little mockingbird keep singing them sad sad songs_  
_There’s already rain on my window_  
_I’m dying when the morning comes_  
_Flew away in the night with a raven_  
_And now I’m underneath the willows hanging_  
_I’m to strung out to be upside down_  
_Pretty little mockingbird sing me a song_

_-Mockingbird, Ruston Kelly_

 

 

 

CH 3

The paper slammed against her door at 5:00am. Jacqueline still subscribed to the physical copy of the New York Times refusing to give it up for the lighter digital version. Insomnia had been her only constant as of late and she had been up far before it thudded against her front door. Her empty house only added to her reasons to wander the halls. It had become apparent with each passing moment that her life would never again resemble what it once did. As she leisurely thumbed through the contents of the paper, her heart stopped when she saw the story plastered across Page Six.

She wasn’t sure how long she had stared at the pictures or how many times she had reread the article but the sun had begun to rise over the Manhattan skyline as she continued to examine it. She refused to let the article bother her. However she did give herself the slightest permission to recognize how kindly Jane smiled at her in the photos. She didn’t care if her name was being dragged through the mud or what Ian or anyone else might think when they saw the article. She did however care that her reporter…her friend was being implemented in false tawdry doings. Jane’s career was still in its infancy and she wouldn’t let a paparazzi picture derail it. Her phone buzzed. It was still only 6:45am.

                _My office, first thing._

The message was from Milton Bradshaw, senior most member of the board; both in rank and in age. She turned her phone over without a reply and sipped her tea. She let the ceramic warm her cold fingers. She would make things right for Jane, she just wasn’t sure how yet. A knock at the door echoed down the foyer and interrupted her quiet moment.

She opened the door and Richard stared back at her. She leaned on the door frame; and he gave her a sympathetic smile as he held up the coffee in his hands and a bag that no doubt had pastries in it.

“I come in peace.” Richard smiled again and Jacqueline chuckled despite herself. She motioned for him to come in and promptly led him into the kitchen. She had a small breakfast nook with a bench that was remarkably comfortable despite its age and instructed him to sit. She grabbed a pair of plates to set the pastries on.

“I’d ask you why you’re here but I’m pretty sure I already know why.” She sat and put her elbows on the table, cradling her chin in her hands. Richard unceremoniously placed that morning’s paper in front of her. “I hate to ask but is there any merit to this story.” He handed her a scalding latte and drank from his own.

“She’s my friend Richard.”

“Your friend? Is that a new development or has it really been that long since we’ve talked?”

“It’s new.  I do find it funny though that you thought I might have taken a young lover.” Jacqueline brought her leg up and placed her foot on her chair, leaning her head on her knee. “You know me better than that.”

“I do but you pay her a special kind of attention and since Ian was arrested, you’ve…well you’ve been distant.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“I know what busy Jacqueline Carlyle looks like, this is something else. Did you know I stopped by your office three times this week? Each time you weren’t taking visitors but Jane waltzed right in passed a rather angry Andrew.”

“My friendship with Jane is…delicate.”

“Delicate?” Richard raised his eyebrows, leaned back and took a languid sip of his coffee. He took the paper that lay in front of her and pointed to Jacqueline and Jane’s intertwined hands. “How delicate?”

“Perhaps that wasn’t the correct word. It’s not like that, Richard. The photographers came out of nowhere and startled her; I grabbed her hand so she wouldn’t get lost in the crowd.” She finally grabbed the bag that Richard had brought and ripped into it. She placed a croissant on her plate and a donut on his.

“Ok, just be careful. Have you spoken to Ian?”

“No.” Jacqueline’s expression hardened as she bit into her breakfast.

“You can’t ignore him forever.”

“I can for the time being.” Jacqueline stood and placed her plate in the sink. “I have to get ready. Give me 20 minutes and we can take my car to the office.”

 

~~~~

Jane was beginning to hyperventilate the longer she looked at the headline. She stood abruptly and began to pace, her shoulders lifted as she attempted to suck even more oxygen into her lungs. “I can’t breathe.”  Her arms fanning up and down, her panic rising.

“Jane, look at me. I need you to hold your breath. Let the air cycle through your system. Keep looking at me. This isn’t that big of a deal.” Sutton stood in front of her and rubbed her hands up and down her arms.

“What?!” Jane let out the air she had been holding with a puff. “How is this not a big deal?”

“There are hundreds of false gossip rags that publish crap every day. This will blow over.” Kat added. Sutton nodded her agreement and moved Jane to the floor. She leaned back and laid on the ground encouraging Jane to do the same. “Put your hands on your stomach and breathe slowly.”

“This isn’t just another gossip rag; it’s the New York Times. What am I supposed to do? I need to call Ryan and Jacqueline was just now starting to trust me with more than stories and what about potential freelance jobs or any job for that matter, they are going to think I slept with the boss and-“ Jane started to wheeze.

“Whoa cowboy slow down; one thing at a time. First off you didn’t do anything wrong, keep that in mind. Second, Ryan is a journalist and he knows you, hell he probably loves you. He isn’t going to believe some crazy story. Third and probably most important you need to talk to Jacqueline.” Sutton sat up, pulling Jane with her.

“I-don’t-want-to.” She strung her words together; her voice muffled as she spoke into her hands.

“Yeah that’s the fun part about being an adult, ‘I don’t want to’ applies to have of our days. Come on, up and at ‘em. As embarrassing as this seems to you, it’s ten times worse for Jacqueline. At this point you’re just a nameless girl in a photo. They are attacking her head on.”

“She’s right. You said you wanted to be her friend and be there for her; well this is the definition of that. You got this babe.” Sutton hugged Jane, followed by Kat embracing them both.

“Have you seen her yet this morning?” Jane managed through their tight embrace.

“No but Andrew said she had a meeting bright and early.”

~~~~~

Clouds floated by the room sized windows, Jacqueline tried to give them all of her concentration and watched as they cast shadows on the objects below them. The wind had picked up and the flag that hung from the municipal building across the street swayed gently. With each flap of the fabric, she lost her ongoing battle to banish Jane from her thoughts. She had a copy of the article folded up in her purse and she felt like it was burning a hole in the leather.

“Has it become your mission to embarrass this company?” Milton entered and began to pace behind his office chair. Jacqueline was sitting in his private office, a place she had only ever been once before; on the day she was hired as Editor in Chief. “I don’t care what hot young thing you want to fool around with, take a note from the other dozen editors in this town and be discreet about it!” Milton shoved his chair against the desk, knocking a pile of papers onto the floor.

 “Milton there is absolutely no merit to this story. Jane is one of my writers, the lunch was purely professional.”  Jacqueline crossed her legs and sat back in her chair, perturbed at his vulgar insinuation. He stopped dead in his tracks.

“She’s a Stafford employee! Do you have any idea how bad this could be?! She could sue for sexual harassment. You better make sure your little mistress has signed an NDA.”

“Once again, the story is false.” Jacqueline raised her voice as she stood up ready to leave.

“It doesn’t matter as long as they think it’s real.” He swept his hand across the window pointing to the city below them. “You have 24 hours to finish this issue or you’re fired.” Milton threw the pen he had been holding against the wall as he stormed out of the room; leaving Jacqueline alone in his office. She walked to the window, rubbing her forehead as she watched the wind whip the city below from side to side. She felt like the flag she saw waving in the wind and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Mrs. Carlyle, sorry to interrupt but Mr. Bradshaw has left the building and I have to secure his office.”  Milton’s personal assistant smiled lightly at her and she looked up from the street below.

“Of course.” Jacqueline left and walked down the deserted hall and got into the elevator, autopilot taking over. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, a private number. She considered not answering it but with her boys away she couldn’t be too careful. “Hello.”

“This a collect call from an inmate at Queensboro Correctional Facility. Will you accept the charges?” She hung up the phone immediately, that was the third call this morning. Her eyes lost focus as the door slid shut behind her. She stepped onto the Scarlet floor and the receptionist greeted her, she didn’t answer her. She didn’t speak to anyone as she made her way to her office. She stopped in the doorway and turned sharply causing Andrew to nearly trip over himself. She walked toward Oliver’s office and stood in the middle of the meeting he was having with his staff.  Everyone looked up from their notepads and stared at Jacqueline.

 “Oliver, a moment please?”

“Of course, everyone out.” Oliver turned toward Jacqueline; his worry apparent in his face. Sutton was the last to pick up her stuff and smiled as she tried to pass Jacqueline. Instead the Editor took her by the arm lightly and stopped her.

“Get Jane for me please.” Jacqueline let the girl’s arm go as she nodded. She turned to Oliver and closed the door behind her. “We now have 24 hours to finish this issue.” She folded her hands in front of her.

“We are nowhere near publication. They’re setting us up for failure.” Oliver leaned on the rack of clothes behind him.

“Yes they are. I’m implementing 24 hour duty until we have something to send in.” She chewed her lip and she studied the window behind him.

“What aren’t you telling me?” He moved closer and shook her head lightly.

“I have an idea but it has the potential to blow up completely.” She walked behind his desk and sat in his chair with one eyebrow raised.

“And if it works?” He was the one crossing his arms over his chest now. Jacqueline’s face lit up with a devious smile as she put her feet up on his desk.

 Jane knocked on the glass door of Oliver’s office. It was taking all of her concentration to keep her hands from shaking. Sutton had run up behind her frantically and said that Jacqueline needed to speak to her, she had been having trouble controlling the adrenaline running through her veins ever since.

“Ah Jane, yes please come in.” Jacqueline motioned for her to enter from Oliver’s chair. Oliver was standing in the corners studying her, he had clearly seen the Times that morning.  “I have a special assignment for you but first I have an announcement to make.”

Jacqueline stretched her hands and took a deep breath in before releasing all the air she’d been holding. She laid her palms on the desk in front of her and stood. She walked through the open door of Oliver’s office and looked to the expectant Andrew. She walked toward him and leaned in so only he could hear her.

“Please turn the phones over to the answering service.” Andrew’s eyes grew wide. She put her shoulders back, straightening her spine and intertwined her fingers in front of her. She cleared her throat.

“Can I have everyone's attention please?” The bullpen immediately stopped, giving the editor their full attention. “I know the last several days have been trying for all of us and you've all put in a great deal of work but I have more to ask of you. The deadline for this issue has been moved up and we now have 24 hours to complete it.” She was met with a crowd of confusion. Every member of her staff knew they were nowhere near being ready for print. “I know this seems impossible but I will be approving all overtime and will be here and available to you for the next 24 hours straight. I also want to extend a challenge to everyone. Every taboo story topic and risky advertising that I have vetoed in the past is now on the table. Writers I don’t want pitches, I want completed stories by five. Oliver pull the proofs from the shoot we had to shelf last November. The copy that will be sent in will be a mash up of all the content that I have loved in the past but that we couldn’t print for whatever reason. Be it legal, PR, etc.”

She had considered telling them she would be leaving after this issue but she didn’t want them doing this for her. She wanted them doing it for themselves. Throughout her speech she could feel the nervous energy coming off of Jane, who was still standing in the doorway of Oliver’s office. She looked to her and motioned her head toward her office, beckoning the woman to follow her. As soon as the door was closed behind her, Jane began to speak.

“I’m so sorry about the Page Six article. I know your life is hard enough right now and you don’t nee-”

“Jane, stop I don’t expect you to apologize for that.” She paused weighing her next words carefully. “But circumstances being what they are, I don’t think a friendship is the best thing for us right now. You should be focusing on your career and I don’t want your association with me to derail that in any way.”

“No.” Jane shook her head emphatically

“Excuse me?”

“No, you said we were friends and I’m not letting you take that back. I know you. You are going to go all Han Solo on me and try to save the day alone. Nope.” Jane scooted herself a bit closer to Jacqueline. “You're stuck with me.” Jane nodded her head once to convey she had made her mind up. Jacqueline couldn’t help but smile.

“Well then since I’m stuck with you, we need to be careful. The last thing we need is to feed the flames of our fictional ‘romance’.” She smiled as she air quoted romance.

“Deal, I know the next 24 hours are going to be rough but after that I have the perfect place to go. Fun and no chance of paparazzi.” Jane bounced a little in her excitement causing Jacqueline to stifle a giggle.

“Now that that’s settled, there’s a very special article I need you to write for me.”

~~~~

Jane typed feverishly at her desk as the alarm on her phone went off. She had texted Ryan earlier in the morning and asked him to meet her for lunch at the Thai restaurant down the street from Scarlet. She had spent the better part of the morning working on the special assignment that Jacqueline had given her. The subject matter was one of a rather personal nature and it made Jane question what was really going on behind closed doors with Jacqueline, something wasn’t quite adding up. She didn’t have any proof just a faint feeling the Editor was hiding something. She reprimanded herself for intruding despite their new found friendship. She saved the file and powered her computer down, rushing out the door to meet Ryan

As she entered the restaurant the waitress led her to a small table near the window. Ryan had beaten her there and his sideways grin was waiting for her as she approached the table. She gave him a quick kiss before sitting and threw her bag on the chair next to her.

“I'm glad you could get away to meet me for lunch. Being the busy novelist you are these days.” Jane teased

“Well we writers will do anything for a free lunch”

“I'm not paying, this is Dutch.”

“Well then my afternoon seems to have suddenly filled up.” Ryan mockingly started to gather his things and stand up as Jane pulled on his arm to make him sit back down. Jane stared at the menu for ten minutes finally settling on a Pad Thai bowl. The waitress came by and took both of their orders promptly.

“As much as I would like to say this was just a social call I wanted to talk about the Page Six article.”

“What article?” Ryan smiled immediately, unable to make it through his own joke.” I saw it, there's nothing to worry about. Although come to think of it, I'm a little worried about the New York Times credibility now. It never crossed my mind for a single second but that article might be even in the ballpark of truth. It’s ridiculous.” He leaned forward and kissed her head still chuckling to himself. Jane instinctively pulled away.

“Why? Am I beneath her? Could I never land someone of Jacqueline’s caliber?” Jane pushed her chair back from the table and crossed her arms.

“Woah Sloan, dial it back. I’m trying to tell you, I know the story is false. Nothing more.”

“No you said it was ridiculous and I want to know why?”

“Ok I think we might need to get some food in your system, pronto.”

“I’m suddenly not hungry anymore.”

Ryan continued to plead with her and insisted that he was only kidding, Jane flagged down the waitress to cancel her meal and stormed out; leaving Ryan in her wake more than a little dazed.

 

~~~~

“There’s no way, it’s got to be just a rumor.” The lunch room was abuzz with the New York Time story and everyone had their own theories.

“Did you see the pictures? Come on that kinda intimacy screams screwing. Jane’s done too many high profile stories for her not to be sleeping with the boss. Why would Jacqueline pick her to do such a personal story like _Carry the Weight_ if they weren’t together?” Very few people seemed to believe the possibility that nothing was happening between the editor and writer.

“Maybe they’ve been together since then and now that Jacqueline’s husband is in jail they are going public?” The crowd that had gathered around the paper hadn’t seen Jane stop and hide outside the break room door. As the speculation escalated, Jane leaned against the wall bringing her arms around her chest. She had promised herself she wouldn’t cry at work but the tears welled despite her best effort. Her co-workers continued to laugh. The crowd didn’t see as their Editor walked past. She spotted the teary eyed Jane almost curled in on herself. She immediately went to her side, lifted her chin and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“No more of these.” She rubbed Jane’s crossed forearms and winked as she walked into the break room. “That must have been one hell of a joke.” The laughing stopped immediately. She parted the masses and took the paper from behind the back of her financial analyst. “This is garbage reporting. It’s the original click bait and you’re all buying into it. I don’t expect we’ll have to discuss this again.” She tossed the paper into the trash bin as she exited. She waved her hand beckoning Jane to follow her into the bathroom. She held the door for Jane and grabbed a tissue from the counter. She wet the end of it and washed the smudged mascara from Jane’s cheeks.

“I didn’t think I would react like that but when they started saying all of my hard work was only because I was sleeping with the boss, I lost it.”

“It’s a cruel reality of the business, but it won’t last forever.”

“How long do you think it will?”

“Hard to say.” Jacqueline opened her bag and retrieved a lipstick and mascara. “Relax your lips.” Jacqueline began to outline Jane’s lips with her favorite pink shade. She slowly traced the woman’s bottom lip and stepped back to admire her work. A small unexpected flutter erupted in Jacqueline’s chest and she cleared her throat, looked away and shook her head trying to dissuade the strange feeling.  She handed the mascara to Jane, who promptly fixed the remainder of her makeup that her tears had ruined.

“Thank you. It wasn’t just them that made me cry, it was something Ryan said to me over lunch.” Jane leaned in and surprised Jacqueline with a hug, their first. She froze as the woman’s arms encircled her. She quickly warmed to the embrace and placed each of her hands on Jane’s back.

“What did he say?”

“Something ridiculous, it doesn’t matter.”

“Ok then tell me about this ‘perfect place’ we can go after the issue is sent to print?”

“I found out about it when I was doing a story for Incite about underground hangouts. Obviously I never got to finish the article but it led me to this great place.” Jacqueline’s phone rang as she was about to inquire further. She mouthed _sorry_ and answered the phone.

“Hello”

“Hi Jacqueline it’s Samantha Tilbet.” Her lawyer always introduced herself by her full name even to those she’d known for years. “I’m not disturbing you am I?”

“Never, what can I do for you Samantha?”

“Ian is requesting a call. He mentioned he has tried to contact you by phone but the calls are always rejected.” Jacqueline’s face contorted and Jane’s brow furrowed with worry.

“I’ve been busy.”

“Understandable. I was worried there was an issue with the call service. I have him ready to be patched in, if you don’t mind. I’ll hang up right after to ensure your privacy.” She looked to Jane and her eyes gave her away once again. Jacqueline heard a click on the line.

“Jackie why aren’t you taking my calls?”

 “Hello to you as well, I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy for your incarcerated husband?”

“Excuse me if I'm having a little trouble adjusting. The last time I saw you; you lied to my face and gave no explanation for any of this.”

“How are the boys?”

“They are at summer camp enjoying their childhood like they should be and not being hounded by photographers on the streets.”

“I didn't want any of this for them… or for you. Have you really fallen out of love with me so quickly? Over one mistake?” Jacqueline's face fell and her teeth made an indent in her bottom lip.

“I wish it were as simple as me having fallen out of love with you because then I wouldn't feel this way. I wouldn’t feel like I was crumbling from the inside out.” With that line, Jane quietly excused herself.

“So you haven’t replaced me with a younger model? I still can get the paper in prison you know.”

“Enough. Is there an actual reason you are calling? I have work to do.” Jacqueline turned to find Jane but was greeted by an empty room.

“I wanted to see how you are? Can’t a man check on his wife?”

“How I am? My mind has been obsessing over the idea that my husband has been living a double life for years and that he has been using the magazine to do so. The magazine that I resurrected and put my blood sweat and tears into. I'm telling myself that the only reason you stuck around as long as you have was for that purpose. I’m replaying every vacations and  all of our happiness and smiles as lies.  When we almost split six years ago, did you end up sticking around so that you would have access to Scarlet? Now it's your turn to tell me how much of that is true.” She had closed her eyes to be able to voice what she’d just said. Ian sighed heavily and smacked his fist against the table in front of him so hard she could hear it through the phone.

“You are and always will been the love of my life. I lied, yes multiple times and when I eventually can tell you why you'll see that my reasons were noble.”

“Noble?!  Noble men don't put their families at risk for their own schemes.”

“Jackie what is it going to take you for you to forgive me.”

“The truth!”  She raised her voice and it echoed through the bathroom. She had no doubt the entire bullpen had heard her. Little did she know that Jane was outside the door standing guard, giving her all the privacy she could.

 

 

 


	4. Abandon

_If I answered yes, would it change your mind_

_If I said don't go, would you stay behind_

_Now I'm burning up inside, you lit the fire_

_Before you go, I gotta let you know that_

_Every time, every time, every time_

_I should've said what I meant_

_Every time, every time, every time_

_Got caught up in my head_

 

_In the last hour, I don't know what to say_

_As the sun casts a shadow on your face_

_Can we rewind, go back to last night_

_This morning came too fast_

Light the fire -Ralph

 

CH 4 

 

Jacqueline hung up the phone with her stomach in knots. She wasn’t one to leave a situation unresolved. She knew the longer she let it fester the stronger its hold on her would be. As she stared into the mirror, she saw the weight of the last week reflecting back at her. She used the same gloss she had used on Jane’s lips to cover her own. She needed to find some resolve to her anger or it would begin to corrupt her. Her boys had eight weeks left at camp and her time at Scarlet was winding down, soon there would be far too many quiet hours to work through the building resentment in her. She ran her fingers through her hair and darkened her eye liner; smacking her lips together.

As she pushed the bathroom door open a small body stood in her way. Jane was leaning on the frame of the door.  Jane looked over her shoulder and smiled at her. The entrance to the bathroom was situated out of site from the bullpen but right in line of the elevators.

“You didn’t have to leave.” Jacqueline let the door close behind her and leaned on the opposite side of it.

“I thought you could use some privacy. Are you alright?”

“Hardly, but now is not the time. We have a deadline.”

“What can I do?” Jane moved one step closer eager as ever.

“You’re sweet.” Jacqueline rubbed her thumb across Jane’s cheek where the red stains from her tears could still be seen slightly. The elevator dinged behind them and Ryan stepped onto Scarlet’s floor just in time for him to see the gesture. He stopped dead in his tracks, neither of the women noticing his presence. He was holding a bouquet of lilies; he handed them to a secretary passing by and got back onto the elevator. “You’re article will be plenty of help.” Jacqueline patted her on the shoulder and went back to her office.

 

**~~~~**

 

A light knock sounded on the door as Richard walked into Jacqueline’s office. She smiled despite her frantic day and embraced him, leading him to sit at the seat across from her desk. 

“Two visits in one day, I’m either the luckiest girl in the world or I’m in trouble.”

“I’m good with both if you are?” Richard tried to laugh but sighed instead failing to remove the seriousness from his voice. “I’ve had a chance to read what you have of the new issue. It’s incredible.” He wrung his hands.

“But?”

“It’s enough for them to fire you.” As Richard paused, Jacqueline raised her eyebrow slightly. “But you already knew that.” He locked eyes with his friend.

“I appreciate the concern Richard, but I’m fine.” 

“I know. Has there been a backlash from the article?” 

“Unfortunately Jane’s taken the brunt of it. Petty office interactions and things of that nature.”

“I hope she’s holding up well. How did she take it when you cut the friendship off?” Richard propped his ankle on his opposite knee. Jacqueline rustled with the papers in front of her. 

“Really well considering I didn’t cut it off.” Richard gave her an incredulous look. “I tried but she’s persistent. She brought up a good point. The longer I thought about it the more I realized, I’m not going to change my behavior or my relationships to appease the board or the media.

“Noble, if not self sabotaging. I know better than to argue with you but do me a favor when the issue is done, talk to Ian. Clear the air, give yourself that peace of mind. You don’t have to support him but forgive him, at least for your own sake.” Jacqueline began to interject when Richard raised his hands up in defense. “I know, I know it’s far more complicated than that, but give it some thought.” He stood, buttoned his jacket and winked at her as he left.

 

                                                                                ***

Fifteen hours had passed in a blur and the sun had set hours prior. Her frenzied coworkers shot from every which corner of the office to the other trying to complete their individual tasks. The flat plan was coming along nicely as every blank spot was filled with new stories and photo spreads. Jane hadn’t looked up from her computer since that morning. She had found an eerie tunnel of focus among the chaos and was about to hand in her story. She had expected to hear from Ryan at least a couple of times since their failed lunch but it had been radio silence and she was unexpectedly grateful for that. She had helped Sutton with numerous fashion emergencies when she needed a break from writing but for the most part she had been sitting at her desk for hours. She leaned her head from side to side and stretched her neck; expanding and contracting her hands that had begun to cramp. 

She hadn’t spoken to Jacqueline since after lunch but she’d seen her making the rounds between departments and filling in the mock up when necessary. She printed a hard copy of her story and walked to Jacqueline’s office. The door was closed and Andrew was suspiciously not at this post. Jane knew that the glass office had curtains but she had never actually seen them drawn. The curtain closest to her desk was pulled to give the editor just a bit of privacy. She knocked but didn’t receive a reply. Jane waited a beat and knocked again. She opened the door and saw an exhausted Jacqueline sitting in her chair leaning over her desk asleep, her head resting on her arm across her open laptop. Jane smiled to herself. She drew the other curtain back and lightly shook Jacqueline’s shoulder.

“Hey you’re going to have a terrible neck ache if you stay here. Come lay down on the couch.” Jane whispered so softly she thought maybe Jacqueline hadn’t heard her. The blonde began to stir and quickly shot up.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Not too long, I don’t think.” Jane grabbed the laptop from under her and looked at the auto-save of the file she had been working on. “About 30 minutes.” Jacqueline rubbed her eyes and tried to focus.

“Jane, why are the curtains closed? These can’t be closed! We don’t need to feed the rumors that are already circulating.” Jacqueline jumped up and quickly pulled the fabric back and tied it.

“They were half closed when I came in, I thought you did it.” Jane questioned while Jacqueline shook her head.

“I did.” Andrew stood in the doorway. “I saw you had dozed off and thought you could use some rest.”

“You shouldn’t have let me sleep, we have a deadline.” She frantically looked through the paper on her desk and grabbed a pile of them. As she tried to push past Andrew, he gently put his hand up to get her attention.

“It’s done. The issue is finished.” His normal smug smile was replaced by a genuine one. 

“The art department still needs a final scan, we don’t have the final edits on stories and advertising was waiting on numbers.”

“Done, done and done. I took care of what I could and Oliver handled the rest. Jane’s story is the final puzzle piece.” Andrew nodded and closed the door behind them, not even giving Jane a nasty look. Jacqueline scrunched her nose and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to a passing Oliver who simply nodded his head. She turned her attention to Jane and took the paper from her. She walked to the couch, Jane sitting in her usual spot next to her. 

_Guilty By Association- Being Held Accountable for the Sins of Another? by Jane Sloan_

As Jacqueline read the copy, she reached out and squeezed Jane’s hand. “It’s perfect… We’re finished.” Jacqueline’s head fell slightly though her smile was intact. She put her hands on her thighs and took a deep breath in before releasing the air that filled her lungs. 

“There’s something I want to tell you and I don’t want you to find out with everyone else.” Jacqueline turned so she was fully facing Jane. Jane didn’t hide her bewilderment and her wide-eyed expression told Jacqueline she was doing the right thing by telling Jane before everyone else. “This will be my last issue.” Jane immediately stood and put some space between them.

“What?!  No, this isn’t your  fault. I'm so sorry; I can apologize to the board and tell them that the Page Six story isn’t true, you shouldn’t be punished for this. I can’t believe I got you fired. I’m so sorry Jacqueline.” Jane stepped backwards until she ran into the wall.

“They haven’t fired me…yet. I’m going to take a sabbatical until Ian’s trial is over.”

“So this is your choice?”

“No, it’s the board’s way of keeping their hands clean.” Jacqueline continued to sit watching Jane no doubt think of a dozen ways to ‘fix’ the situation. She adored the fixer in Jane but she knew it would cause her more headaches than not. “I know this isn't what you want to hear but there's nothing to be done about it. The issue that we're about to publish is exactly the note that I want to go out on. That’s not saying that I won't be back but just in case I don't mind how I've left things.” Jane turned to look out the window trying to hide her face from Jacqueline. 

“I don't want you to go. ” She said with a cracking voice.

 Jacqueline finally stood and walked towards the window standing next to Jane; both of them had their hands on the windowsill where Jacqueline's high heels were displayed.

“It's a beautiful night, I don’t get to stop and watch the city very much anymore.” She smiled trying to lighten the mood.

“Am I still going to see you?” Jane still wouldn't look at Jacqueline but her voice told the editor what her face looked like.

“Of course. If I remember correctly ‘I'm stuck with you’.” That was enough to crack a smile across Jane’s face. 

“What will you do now?

“That's a question for tomorrow. Now I have to tell the others.” She placed her hand on the middle of Jane's upper back.

She opened the door of her office and looked expectantly at Andrew. She walked to the mock up and placed Jane’s article in the final blank space. She put her shoulders back, straightening her spine and intertwined her fingers in front of her, arms loosely hanging. She cleared her throat.

“Can I have everyone's attention please? I know the last several days have been trying for all of us and you've all put in a great deal of work but we did it. I’m about to sent the final copy of this month's issue into the printer.” Seeing their beaming faces exhausted but happy made it that much harder to say what she had to say next. “That being said, this will be my last issue for the foreseeable future.” 

Every face that had been beaming back at her suddenly fell. Employees looked to each other for more explanation, not a single one of them having any. Jacqueline looked to Jane and saw the traces of the tears that occupied her eyes earlier reemerge but she nodded once giving Jacqueline the small reassurance that she needed. 

“I have every intention of eventually returning to Scarlet but for the time being my family needs my full attention.” She hated lying to them. She hated playing the board’s games and suddenly when faced with each of them she couldn’t maintain her poker face. “Thank you for everything.” She saw Sutton and Kat make there way over to Jane, pulling at her elbows for an explanation but her eyes never left the editor. 

Jacqueline had made a decision late the night before. No matter where she went in the city there were photographers, reporters and reminders of everything that she had lost. She had a bag packed and waiting next to her front door. Hopefully now she could find a moment of solace.

 

~~~~

As soon as Jacqueline finished her speech, Andrew hit send on her already written email to the printers. Many of the employees rushed to her side to express their distress over her leaving. Jane watched one person after another tell Jacqueline how much they admired her and would miss her. One by one they all hugged her goodbye, leaving Jane stunned at the level of poise her boss had shown through the emotional encounters. Everyone in the bullpen collected their personal items and quickly ran toward the elevators. Each person more than ready to get home to their families. The floor was empty within a few minutes. As soon as she was certain they were alone, Jane extended her elbow to Jacqueline.

“I believe we have a standing appointment with a secret club.” Jane smiled effortlessly. Jacqueline wanted to protest and say she was far too tired for any adventures but she knew she’d be gone in the morning.

“Lead the way.” Jacqueline threaded her arm through Jane’s offered elbow.

“Don’t worry, it’s actually nearby.”

 

Within twenty minutes, Jane had them standing outside of an abandoned warehouse door. It was steel and in better condition than the rest of the building. Jane kneeled and removed a brick from the side of the building, revealing a keypad. She quickly entered a sequence of five numbers and the steel of the door opened a crack.  The dark hallway they entered was littered with small lights, as if the night sky was suddenly their for them to reach out and touch. Jane reached behind her and took Jacqueline’s hand and led her down the hall. Suddenly the hall opened up into a high ceilinged palace. 

The club was a Moroccan wonderland, vivid blues adorned every surface. Small tables littered the dining area, each with their own crystal candle holders and silk table clothes. Diamond and circular mirrors adorned every wall reflecting the low light of the room. Marble columns created archways that separated each room with intricate filigree designs carved throughout the stone.  

Jacqueline marveled at the transformed world around her. She looked at the tiling below her feet, and followed the geometric designs as they cascaded down toward the  dance floor. The ceiling above was littered with glowing paper lanterns. Purples, yellows and ocean like turquoise brought life to the hidden space.  

“Ladies, welcome to Sanctuary.” A tall gentleman stood in front of them as if out of thin air. He held a satin lined basket and extended it to them. “There is only one rule at our establishment, we are but a whisper, spoken of only as a rumor. Please place your phone in the basket; they will be secured in our vault. If you need anything, ring one of the bells located throughout the establishment. Stay as long as you’d like, we never close.” He smiled softly and covered their phones with a scarf after they were placed in the basket. Jacqueline looked to Jane and in the split second they took their eyes off of him, he disappeared. 

“No thinking tonight just dancing and drinking and laughing. Tech free so no one will see.” Jane took  Jacqueline’s hand and led her to the bar. 

“You’re rhyming already, should that scare me?” Jacqueline smiled and leaned on the bar; enjoying Jane’s reprimanding glare.Despite the proximity to the dance floor, she could still strangely hear chatter from the patrons around her.

“You’ll find out that when it comes to cheering my friends up I’m very good at it and if rhyming is the key, well then so be it.” Jane leaned over the bar. “A slippery nipple for me and a white Russian for the lady.”

“I’m not even going to ask how you knew that.” Jacqueline picked up her drink and clinked it against Jane’s . “So what now?”  Jacqueline sipped her drink, closing her eyes treasuring the moment. Jane all the while watched her with a thousand unspoken questions running through her head.

“We dance.” Jane smiled. Jacqueline downed her drink and put her empty glass on the bar. She smirked slightly and walked through the flowing fabric that separated the bar from the dance floor. The floor was packed with others wishing to drown their days in anonymity. The music flowed in four four time with the distinct sound of guitars harmonizing. Jane’s hips began to sway to the beat as her hands reached up above her. Jacqueline followed suit and they became part of the masses. Every ounce of stress that had been hardening in Jacqueline’s body melted off of her as the beat quickened. She watched Jane sway her brunette hair from side to side, slightly surprised that the normally uptight girl had such a free spirited side to her. 

When the buzz of the single drink she had could be felt, she realized she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. She let the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her veins sooth her. She let herself get lost in the crowd, her attention only on the music. She wasn’t Jacqueline Carlyle here. There weren’t photographers vying for her attention or lawyers interrupting the small bit of sanity she found from time to time. She was just another woman in the crowd. Jane smiled at her grabbed her hand to spin her around. The woman’s smile was infectious and she watched Jane adapt to the change in the beat of each new song.

Dozens of songs played, each helping her escape farther and farther from the mess Ian had created. She didn’t know what time it was nor did she care. Jane had gotten them each a few drinks, all of which were greedily consumed. Jane stayed close and danced with abandon, catching the growing smile that blossomed on Jacqueline’s face. Finally the dance floor began to clear as the hours waned on. Jane touched Jacqueline’s elbow and motioned for them to find a corner to sit. 

Sanctuary was a labyrinth, each turn leading to a new feature. Pillow filled lounges littered the outskirts of the dance floor. A set of stairs wound around the entire structure and Jane bounded up them. At the top of the staircase where more private booths and corners. Jane found a lounge overlooking the dance floor and sat on the gold beaded pillows that adorned it. Next to her was one of the infamous bells the gentleman spoke of when they entered. As Jacqueline sat next to her she rang it. Almost instantly a caramel skinned woman appeared in a suit. 

“Yes ma’am, how may I assist you?” Jane squished her face in delight.

“Wow A+ on the service! Can we get some water & something to eat?”

“Yes what would you like to eat?”

“Do you have a menu?”

“No ma’am but anything you can dream up we can make.” The waitress beamed back at Jane’s slack jawed expression. Jacqueline held her hand over her mouth to keep her from snorting. 

“Well in that case may I have a banana split but instead of pineapple can I have caramel?” Jane’s eyes lit up like a child’s. Jacqueline put  her elbows on the table and placed her chin in her hands. She couldn’t contain the endearing smile that reached her ears.

“And for you ma’am?” The beautiful waitress turned her attention to Jacqueline, who didn’t take her eyes off of Jane.

“I’ll have the same.” As the woman disappeared, Jacqueline chuckled to herself. “ You never seize to surprise me.”

Jane brought her knees up to her chest and rested them on the numerous pillows around her. The area they sat in reminded her of a cabana, sequestered but luxurious. The seating was sprawled out like a large couch that could fit twenty people but her and Jacqueline were the only people in sight, though she could hear light conversation coming from below them.

“So do I get to know more about you than how many kids you have and that you play the cello terribly or am I still strictly on a need to know basis?”

“I wouldn’t say I play terribly just...not well.” Jacqueline giggled, an honest to God no weight on her shoulders giggle. “I suppose you’ve proven you can be trusted with more. What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” Jane gleamed at her, though she was very serious about wanting to know all she could about the blonde.

“That’s a tall order. Let’s start with one question at a time and see how it goes.” Jacqueline picked up the water glass that appeared at the end of the table and lifted it to her lips, never breaking eye contact with Jane. She’d never admit it but she partook in that particular action because she knew it made most people squirm, Jane included. But not this time, Jane held her stare unwavering. Another round of cocktails found their way to the table that was now locked in silence. Jane suddenly had a free pass to ask Jacqueline anything she wanted to and she didn’t want to waste it.  

"Are you happy?" She whispered, of all the dozens of questions she could have asked, this one was perhaps the most straight forward yet the most complicated. Everyother question inevitably boiled down to this one. All of her quandaries and anecdotes that she wanted to know  didn't matter to Jane as much as the answer to this question did. The moment stretched into more silence than Jane could handle. Jacqueline's eyes stared into space, while she worried her lip between her teeth.

"Here in this moment, yes." Jacqueline fanned a smile, hoping it was enough to make Jane move on. 

"And apart from this moment." Jane twirled the tassel of the pillow in her arm.

"I don't know." Jacqueline meet her eyes. 

As she was about to elaborate the waitress placed two giant banana splits in front of them.

Jane’s eyes went wide and she dug in, getting whipped cream on her face immediately.  She continued to eat until she stopped abruptly holding the bridge of her nose.

“Brain freeze.” She managed to say with a full mouth. Jacqueline placed her spoon down and reached out, cleaning the whipped cream from her upper lip with her finger. She moved her hand back toward her and licked her finger clean.

Jacqueline stared into Jane's eyes for possibly one beat too long, she lifted the cocktail next to her and finished it. Whether she was on her fifth or sixth drink she didn’t know, but the warmth in her chest grew as it had when she put lipstick on the other woman earlier in the day. She set the empty glass down on the table. She shook her head quickly and the band  that was playing picked up the tempo below them.

“Jane why do you want to spend time with me?” She had taken to lounging as Jane did; her long legs sprawled on the turquoise cushions that surrounded her. Jane’s breath hitched.

“I can’t imagine anyone more interesting to spend time with.” Jane scooted closer and brush the side of Jacqueline’s arm with her own. The touch jolted Jacqueline’s skin and goosebumps raised along her arm. She flinched and sat up.

“I think I might have had one too many. Thank you Jane for a lovely evening but I must be going.”

“Wait let me at least get you a ride home and make sure you make it safely.”

“I’m a grown woman, Jane. I can manage.”

Jane sat back dumbfounded as she saw Jacqueline gather her purse and exit rather hastily. She leaned her head back and put her arm over her forehead, releasing the breath she had been holding all night.

                                                          ****

Jane didn’t go home and she certainly didn’t sleep. After Jacqueline had left, she stayed at Sanctuary staring into the geometric tiles, for how long she wasn’t sure .  She wasn’t sure where she had gone wrong. They were having a perfectly fine night until the end. The more she replayed the moment in her mind, the more confused she became. 

_I can’t imagine anyone more interesting to spend time with_

Her words had been kind, adoring even...maybe too adoring. Jacqueline hadn’t flinched until they’d touched. She had jumped even. She’d been so naive, she’d crossed a line. She grabbed her purse and exited the club into the morning light. She pulled her coat over her shoulders and ran down the street past the bakeries  that were just opening and corner coffee shops who’s baristas were unlocking the doors.

Her outfit from the day earlier was wrinkled and her feet were killing her in her high heeled boots. She looked  every bit the culprit of the walk of shame but her shame came from a much different place. She didn’t think it through as she hailed a taxi and slid into the back seat. She pushed the logical thoughts from her mind that screamed What are you doing? This is crazy. You’ll only make it worse.

Before her mind even had a fighting chance, she was standing outside of Jacqueline’s apartment and a neighbor was holding the door for her. She leaned on the railing of the elevator that she shared with said neighbor and fidgeted with her fingers.

“Jacqueline has you working awfully early.” The woman said cheerfully. Jane looked up, deer in the headlights. She voice stammered as she tried to get the words out.

“Som-something like that, yeah.” She tried her best to smile her nerves away.

Jane exited the elevator the moment it dinged and smacked her shoulder on the door in her attempt to escape from further questions. Before she had even caught her breath she was knocking on Jacqueline’s door. She leaned on the door frame, exhausted. The door swung open and she jumped at the sight of Richard.

“Jane what are you doing here?”

“I need to speak to Jacqueline.”

“She’s not here,. What’s this about, you look pale? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, why are you here if she’s not?”

“She asked me to run an errand for her. You should go home. You look exhausted.”

“Where is she Richard?”

“She’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent far too much time thinking about these two but I'm glad you do too.


	5. Loss

_Portland, Maine, I don't know where that is_

_Leave your bags in the car, keep it running_

_I won't pretend, I don't want these things_

_But Portland, Maine, I don't know where that is_

_And I don't want to know, I don't want to know_

_-Portland, Maine by Donovan Woods_

 

**Ch 5**

 

Jane didn’t take the elevator after Richard closed the apartment door. Instead she found herself blankly staring at the gray concrete as she descended the stairs. She ran her fingers along the cold walls and continued to chastise herself. She’d waited until Richard had closed the door to let a few stray tears fall. She replayed the night in her mind over and over again. Jacqueline danced with abandon and smiled at her. She reached out and took her hand, spinning her away from her then into her arms. She played it again. Jacqueline was smiling the brightest she’d ever seen her smile, all instances in Jane’s memories accounted for. Suddenly she remembered something new. Jacqueline didn’t let go of her hand right away, she rubbed her knuckles with her thumb and that was when Jane had felt a pull to grab them more drinks, a pull to excuse herself.

“It’s awfully early for a house call.” A familiar voice sounded. Jane was pulled from her memories and looked up.

“Ryan?” She wiped her tears fiercely trying to compose herself. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to see for myself.”  Ryan said without emotions. He was leaning against the outside of Jacqueline’s building nervously tapping his leg. He wore the same dark denim jeans and black button up shirt he had been wearing for their lunch the day before. He lifted himself off the wall and walked toward her, reaching out to wipe the tear that Jane had missed from her cheek.

“Did she break your heart already?” Ryan retracted his hand and put it into his pocket.

“What?” 

“You’ve never looked at me like you looked at her.” Ryan’s tone had lost all of its charm.

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

“I saw you and Jacqueline, when she rubbed your cheek outside the bathroom yesterday.”

“Why were you at Scarlet?” 

“I had come to apologize. I brought you flowers. I was there for you and the first thing I’m bombarded with is Jacqueline caressing your face.” His expression turned cold. “I should have known, she’s all you ever talk about. When she calls you come running. How long has it been going on?” Jane started to storm off until Ryan grabbed her by the arm.

“Are you kidding me?! I was upset and she was being nice. She touches my cheek once and suddenly we’re in love.”

“No one said anything about love but you. How about when she was close enough to kiss you last night? I’ve seen you dance Jane, that was hardly platonic. You were flirting with her!” Ryan was whispering but the anger in his tone was apparent. 

“You followed me!” Jane’s voice however was hardly quiet.

“I have a right to know if my girlfriend is cheating on me.”

“I’m not cheating on you and nothing is going on but that’s none of your business because I’m not your girlfriend, not anymore.” Jane pushed him away as she stormed down the street. She walked past a cafe with a man sitting outside feverishly writing on a notepad. She paid him no attention, though she should have.

**~~~~**

As Richard closed the door to the loft, he could feel someone standing behind him. He turned to see the blonde with one arm around her body and a hand covering her mouth. She had been listening to the entire conversation, head in her hands. She’d heard the tears and panic in Jane’s voice without even having to see her.

“I won’t lie to her again, Jacqueline.” He walked past her and lifted one of her suitcases.

“You won’t have to.” She picked up the last of her packed bags and walked out the door.

When she’d left Sanctuary only a few hours before, she had grabbed her phone and immediately texted Richard, the early hour be damned. She had asked him to meet her at the house as early as he could. She hadn’t expected Jane to run after her.

The morning continued on as a blur and Jacqueline found herself staring out the passenger window as Richard sped down the highway. The view was spectacular, landscape littered with pine trees and a drop off that plummeted straight into a sprawling lake but she wasn’t focused on the mountains or the pristine blue sky.

“You're thinking awfully loud over there.” Richard didn’t take his eyes off the road but he smiled softly as Jacqueline turned to him. He took a moment before continuing.  “I know you are dealing with a lot, more than one person should have to but going it alone will only make it worse.” Jacqueline sighed heavily and returned her gaze to the countryside. They sat in silence for longer than Richard would have cared to but he knew when not to push her.

“I don’t know how to forgive Ian.” She spoke suddenly, voicing what she’d been turning over in her mind since his arrest. She drummed her fingers along the windows edge. “I should be willing to listen and stand by his side but I can’t shake the feeling that this lie is only the tip of the iceberg. I could handle the scandal and the photographers if I knew there was something behind it all worth fighting for but I can’t say that there is and...Jane.” She whispered her name almost afraid to even speak it. She let her shoulders drop. “She doesn’t deserve this.” This time it was Richard’s turn to let out the air he’d been holding. He rubbed his brow and stared straight ahead.  She watched him for a moment. “Now who’s the one thinking loudly.” Richard turned his head slightly and met her eyes again.

“I just wonder how much of your lack of forgiveness for Ian has to do with Jane.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“You know exactly what I mean. What happened last night that would have prompted a very upset Jane to knock on your door at the crack of dawn?”

“Nothing happened.” She raised her voice in irritation. Richard abruptly pulled the car over and parked it on the shoulder of the road. He turned in his seat to face her and crossed his arms over his chest.

“It was hardly ‘nothing’ if it warranted waking me up at four in the morning to come over to whisk you away.”

Jacqueline bit her lip and dropped her head, she tried to steal her expression taking a moment to look out the window but failing. When she looked back to Richard, her eyes were tear laced and her brow furrowed. His irritation quickly turned to worry.

“I can’t explain it because I don’t understand it.” She reached out for his hand and squeezed it.  She wanted to tell him that amongst the chaos, Jane had brought a sense of quiet; that she was the only one that had been there when all hell broke loose. She wanted to say that even thinking of her made her overactive mind still. She was a needed constant, a safe space. But the words wouldn’t leave her mouth, they couldn’t. What she could barely even think, let alone say was that last night that quiet for the briefest moment had turned into electricity and the shock of just one touch had sent her running. She couldn’t explain it and it terrified her.

“Okay.” Richard saw the fear in her eyes and returned the squeeze of her hand. He nodded and patted her hand once before putting the car back into drive.

**~~~~**

Jane slammed the door to the apartment, sobbing.  She threw her coat off and watched it crumble to the ground. Her chest was tight as she slid down the back of the front door and cradled her knees to her chest.Her purse was still over her shoulder and she struggled to retrieve her phone from the messy bag. She knew she shouldn’t be texting when she was so emotional but she had to. 

_Why did you leave so suddenly? Did I do something wrong?_

She threw her phone across the room after hitting send. Surely this wasn’t as big of a deal as she was making it and yet it felt monumental. Jane placed her head on her knees and tried to think it through. She had just broken up with Ryan, surely that’s where the tears were coming from. That was logical, yes a break up was absolutely something to lose it over.She felt a pair of eyes on her and looked up to see Sutton standing in the living room. She rushed over and sat next to Jane as soon as they met eyes.

“What’s wrong?” She rubbed Jane’s back and leaned her head against hers.

“She’s gone.” Jane managed to get out between sobs surprising even herself.

“Oh hun is this just now hitting you?” Sutton moved in front of her and rubbed the front of her knees. “You seemed fine when she told us yesterday.”

“No, I mean she left the city. At least I think she did, Richard wouldn’t tell me.”

“What? When did you see Richard?”

“Just now at Jacqueline’s loft.”

“Ok I’m going to need you to start at the beginning.”

“I took her to Sanctuary last night, that club I was telling you about. We were having the most amazing time and suddenly she freaked out and left. I tried to go by her place this morning but Richard opened the door and said she’d already left.”

“Have you tried calling her?”

“I texted her. I have no idea where she went and I can’t help but think she bolted because of me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. She’s going through a lot right now, give her some time to answer you.” 

“You didn’t see her Sutton, it was like her veins ran with cold water out of nowhere.” The tears continued to run down her cheeks.

“Jane I’m saying this from a place of love but this reaction seems a little strong for the situation. Is there something else going on?” 

“What?! No, now you sound like Ryan.” She began to pull away when Sutton rested her hands on top of both of her shoulders.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m just trying to understand.”

“I know.” Jane pulled her into a hug.

“Let's get you some coffee and a shower, cause damn.” Sutton giggled and lifted Jane to her feet.

“Hey I don’t smell!” Jane playfully slapped Sutton’s shoulder.

“Oh hun. You smell like a tavern after St.Patrick's day.” Sutton shook her head and pushed Jane toward the bathroom, tossing a towel at her. Jane grunted her disapproval but closed the door behind her.  As soon as Jane was behind the bathroom door, Sutton grabbed her phone from her back pocket and texted Richard.

_You there yet?_

  


**~~~~**

 

As soon as Sutton had ushered Jane into the shower, she’d called Kat to come over. Based on the reaction she’d seen when Jane walked in the door this was a job for the both of them. Kat sat on the couch and stared off into her coffee as he waited for Jane. She checked her phone as a notification buzzed in her pocket. She was trying to stay ahead of the story when it came to her best friend and their boss but there had been nonstop articles and gossip magazine photos since the initial Page Six article. Most of the notifications had been click bait from less and less reputable publications regurgitating the information the Times had already released but this one was different.

 

**_NY Times Exclusive: Jacqueline Carlyle is her young lover, Jane Sloan’s, boss!_ **

 

Kat jumped to her feet as she read the headline and motioned for Sutton to come quick. She frantically grabbed her arm as soon as she was close enough to reach and pulled her down onto the couch. She thrust her phone in front of Sutton and watched her eyes grow wide as she read the headline.

“Shit! They have Jane’s name!” Sutton plopped her head back onto the cushion behind her.

“They know she works at Scarlet too. What do we do? She’s still getting over the last article.”

“Good news is, she has a few days ‘til she has to be back at the office. Maybe it’ll blow over a bit by Monday.”

“It’s gonna be her first day back without Jacqueline there; she’s gonna freak out.” Kat was pacing the small living room, coffee cup in hand.

“Do you hear something?” They exchanged a knowing look and ran to the front door. Sutton looked out the peephole and saw a hoard of photographers camped outside their door. She jumped back and plastered herself against the side wall. 

“We have to get Jane out of here.” Kat whispered to Sutton as they both tiptoed down the hallway and into the living room.

“The bedroom window is probably big enough but someone has to go out the front to distract them.”

“Not it!” Kat raised her hand.

“Oh come on, you’re the social media manager you have more training for stuff like this!” They plopped down on the couch and leaned their heads back on the pillows behind them.

“Ok, I’ll do it bt what do I tell them? Sorry our friend isn’t Jacqueline Carlyle’s mistress even though all of her outward behavior says otherwise, k thanks” Kat said without taking a breath. Sutton started to giggle but bit her lip as she saw a towel clad Jane turn the corner. Thankfully it seemed as if she hadn’t heard them.

“Kat!” Jane ran to the couch and gave her a hug, wet hair soon plastered against her friends face. 

“Hey babe, Sutton said you’ve had a pretty shitty night into morning. You wanna talk about it?” Kat rubbed her back.

“Not particularly, although I feel like I should tell you guys that I broke up with Ryan this morning.” Jane didn’t meet their surprised eyes, opting instead to put her attention on the stitching of her towel.

“What?! Why? ”  Jane huffed, trying  to answer the question but stumbling over her words.

“I...grr. Why does everyone keep asking me questions like I’m crazy?” Jane said the anger apparent in her tone. “He spied on Jacqueline and me last night! He has no respect for me and keeps accusing me of cheating, when I’m not. I’m allowed to have a friendship with Jacqueline but he doesn’t understand that!” She stood up, tightened her towel and marched off to her bedroom. She slammed the door behind her and  fell onto her bed, wet hair soaking her pillow. She grabbed for her phone off of her nightstand, Sutton had no doubt put it there after she had chucked it across the room. She stared at the blank screen. No reply. She dialed Jacqueline’s number from memory and listened to the continuous ringing. Her voicemail picked up and Jacqueline’s familiar melodic tone caused a pang in her chest. 

 _“Hey, It’s Jane.”_ There was a long moment of silence before she got the nerve to speak further. _“I’m worried. You just disappeared. I’m not sure what’s going on and I know it’s none of my business but please call me.”_

Jane dressed slowly picking the outfit that made her look more fierce than she felt. She slipped into a red top more crimson than even spilled blood. Her denim jeans were one shade lighter than black and she opted for a pair of black lightning bolt earrings. She stared into the mirror at her pale skin. She was equal parts angry and confused. A few days ago she was on top of the world, her relationship was good and her new friendship with Jacqueline was fulfilling a need she didn’t know she had.

She unzipped her makeup bag and applied her foundation with the pink sponge that sat on her vanity. She rouged her cheeks and stopped to see the tired lines an all nighter had given her. She should be sleeping but her mind was a cyclone and she didn’t dare try to reign it in fully. She found a midnight black eyeliner and drew wings along her eyelids. Finally she dabbed a clear gloss across her lips. 

She stepped back and admired how easily she could hide her distress under carefully applied makeup. Her war paint in place, she was ready to face whatever was on the other side of her bedroom door. She slowly turned the knob and saw both Kat and Sutton waiting for her directly in front of the door. She sighed and opened her arms, embracing them both in a much needed hug.

“We have something we need to tell you. The papers know your name.” Kat braced for the ensuing freak out from Jane but it didn’t come. Jane looked back and forth between them a few times and breathed deeply. She stood calmly and walked to the front door. She had a sneaking suspicion what she would find there. She slid the small metal piece that cover the peephole and saw the throngs of people waiting outside her apartment.

“We can sneak you out the window if you want. They don't have to see you.” Sutton offered from over her shoulder.

“No, I have to face them. I won’t hide. That’s what Jacqueline would do, she’d face it head on.” Jane grabbed her purse and smoothed the hair hanging on her cheeks behind her ears. She wasn’t sure where she was going but she wasn’t going to be held hostage in her own apartment.

 

**~~~~**

Sutton closed the door to her and Richard’s apartment behind her and voiced a heavy sigh. She dropped her bag next to the door and toed off her shoes. She shrugged off her jacket and didn’t bother to hang it, letting it drop to the ground where she stood. She turned the corner into the kitchen and smiled as she saw Richard preparing dinner. He was concentrating on cutting an onion that seemed to be getting the better of him, all the while a pan sizzled behind him filling the apartment with the aroma of garlic.

He hadn’t noticed Sutton’s arrival despite her many grunts of disapproval at the day she had faced. Sinatra played over the stereo system and Richard swayed to the chorus of ‘Fly Me to the Moon’.  She snuck up behind him and kissed his temple gently.

“Hey stranger, I didn’t hear you come in.” He turned his head and leaned it against her cheek.

“You’re spending some quality time with old blue eyes, I didn’t want to disturb you. How was your day?” Sutton picked at the salad that sat on the counter, Richard swatted her hand away playfully and took it to the table.

“As to be expected, I just got home myself. Drive took longer than expected. I’m gonna miss seeing Jacqueline everyday.”

“You’re not the only one.” Sutton snuck behind him and stole another tomato from the salad. Richard shot her a glance but went back to stirring the pasta sauce.

“Jane?” Richard questioned. Sutton nodded with her mouth full.

“She’s not handling it well. I’m actually a little concerned. I know she is especially close to her but this seems different. It almost seems like she’s heartbroken, I know that sounds crazy.” Sutton set the table as Richard served the steaming pasta.

“I wasn’t going to say anything but given her reaction at Jacqueline’s this morning, is there anyway there might be some merit to what the Times is saying?” Richard pulled out Sutton’s chair for her and gave her their first proper kiss of the evening. She smiled and sat down.

“She swears up and down there’s nothing going on and yet…”

“It would explain both of their behaviors.”

“Both?”

“Since Ian’s arrest, all Jacqueline talks about is Jane. She had started to isolate herself from everyone but her. When Jane showed up at the apartment Jacqueline panicked and had me open the door.”

“She was still there?” Sutton put her fork down. 

“Yes, she was packing. She looked almost... ashamed. When I questioned her about it, she played it off but I hardly believed her.”

“Jane broke up with Ryan this morning too.” Sutton raised an eyebrow. Richard nearly choked on the noodles he was eating at the revelation. She smiled softly, she knew how much Richard cared for both Jacqueline and Ian and that being in the middle of this was killing him.

“I’ve asked Jacqueline point blank about it numerous times and she’s denied it but the way she looks at Jane. I’ve seen that look from her before and it’s not a good sign.”

“Jane’s going to ask me if I know where she is. I don’t know what to do.”

“There’s nothing we can do. If she asks tell her the truth, that we agreed I wouldn’t tell you where Jacqueline is to keep you out of it. All we can do is be there for them and hope they’re telling the truth .” 

 

**~~~~**

 

Her first day back at Scarlet without Jacqueline had been spent with her head buried in research for her next article. She barely spoke to her friends let alone anyone else.She didn’t fight back when Patrick assigned her one nonsense story after another. Kat and Sutton were with her almost continuously but she still kept her distance. Ryan had attempted to contact her at least a dozen times but he was no more than a nuisance to her now. 

After having not received a reply to her text message or voicemail Jane gave Jacqueline space. She was becoming more and more angry the longer the radio silence continued. Surely there wasn’t anything that she could have done that would warrant this level of dismissal. She threw herself into her work and picked up old hobbies to distract herself. Anything and everything to keep Jacqueline from creeping into her mind. Until one day she mindlessly sent a text to her. 

_Andrew is so upset today, it’s like you told him he couldn’t bring you coffee anymore._

She hadn’t meant to text her, it had been a reflex from their brief friendship. She hadn’t even realized she’d sent it until a few minutes later. But for just a moment she thought that if she turned around, she’d see the blonde typing away at her laptop and the world would spin like it used to. It was only a fragment of a moment that she had forgotten but it was enough to feel like she hit the ground at a hundred miles an hour.

After that moment, whenever Jane had a stray thought or question, she’d text Jacqueline. She knew she wasn’t going to get an answer but it comforted her to send it. She didn’t tell anyone about the messages but she continued to send them. She’d send them as she lay awake at night or on her morning commute; small thoughts that she wanted to share with her friend. 

_It’s raining, I know you love that._

_Patrick is wearing the shirt you said makes him look like a thrift store clown._

_I just heard that song you told me about, you’re right I love it._

_Look at the sunset tonight, it’s brilliant_

_Which movie did you say you wanted to see at the Marquee?_

They were innocent messages at first, no real purpose other than to comfort her but as time piled up so did Jane’s frustration and boldness. A week after Jacqueline left, Jane barged into Richards office unannounced. She didn’t even wait for him to stand before she hurled questions at him.

“Where is she, Richard?” Jane held her clasped fists to her sides trying to breathe through her anger.

“Jane, this is highly inappropriate.” He stood and tried to usher her out the door. She held her hands up and stopped him dead in his tracks.

“No, you know what is inappropriate, letting someone worry sick about their friend when you could easily fix everything! Leaving someone in the middle of the night, out of the blue and disappearing is inappropriate. I’m the only one actually having an appropriate reaction here.” Jane’s anger was quickly wilting and unshed tears lined the corners of her eyes. Richard raised an eyebrow at her unintentional revelation of what had been a rather innocent night.

“Sit.” He motioned to the couch in the corner of his office. “It’s not my information to give. She said she needs time and that’s what I am giving her and you should too. All I can say is, she is safe.”

“When was the last time you spoke to her?”

“The day she left.”

“That was over a week ago!”

“Jacqueline is a grown woman. She can take care of herself. If she wanted to contact you, she would. You should take your clean breaks where you can get them.” Jane stormed out of Richard’s office before he could say anything further. She immediately pulled out her phone and texted Jacqueline.

_I don’t deserve this. Are you ever coming back? I’ve accosted Richard at least three times but he will only assure me you’re safe._

                                                                                       ***

The photographers and reporters were relentless especially once the press release of Jacqueline’s sabbatical was made public. Each time she had to pass them she held her head high. She’d gotten good at saying no comment and being silent when her mind was screaming at her to speak up. They were camped outside of her apartment, Scarlet and Jacqueline’s apartment. She had found out about the latter on a walk one sleepless night. She’d snuck out the window and was dressed down in the plaid shirt she still had from her New York 14 interview and a Mets cap. She stood behind a nearby bush and listened to their mindless chatter.

“Why are we wasting our time out here no one’s seen Jacqueline in a week.” He puffed on what looked like his tenth cigarette based on the pile at this feet.

“She probably skipped town, left that Sloan girl on her ass to deal with the fallout. She’ll never be able to print a story again without people thinking she slept her way to the top. It’s unfortunate, she is actually pretty good.” Jane held her sobs in and walked away from Jacqueline’s apartment, a mess for the second time that week . 

The hours turned to days and eventually to weeks as Jane navigated a world without Jacqueline. She tried to find a routine that kept the demons at bay and even agreed to have coffee with Ryan to smooth out their parting. She didn’t stay long and assured him that getting back together was off the table. Nonetheless she hugged him as she left and told him that they would remain friends, though she hardly had the desire to give that friendship any of her energy. Sometimes she even called Jacqueline, though she’d never admit it; she did it to hear her voice. Only seven recorded words and yet they soothed a different part of her each time she heard them.

_You’ve reached Jacqueline please leave a message._

_“It’s Jane, the papers know my name now.  I shouldn’t be surprised but I am. They’ve known for a while but I just realized I’d never told you. How did you ever deal with this much attention? It’s a very specific skill I never thought I’d need. I hope you’re doing well and don’t hate me for the million messages I’ve sent you.”_

Sutton and Kat often asked her how she was doing and she always replied with ‘fine’. She didn’t know what fine meant anymore. She wasn’t the way she had been before and that was all she could pinpoint. Her stories were published and got more traction than they ever had and unfortunately she knew why. She was still a spectacle and a story to be told. Jacqueline’s disappearance had fueled even more speculation and she was growing weary of the questions it raised.

_“Hey it’s me. I don’t have anything to say really just that...I miss you. I still replay the night at Sanctuary a lot. I still can’t figure out what happened, where I went wrong. I want you to know I’m sorry for whatever I did, if you’d just call me and tell me I’d apologize a hundred times over.”_

It had been two almost three weeks at this point and the reporters were still a constant but as she started to recognize their faces,they became friendlier and she would add a ‘Good Morning’ and a  ‘Good Night’ as she passed them. The first day of week three threw a vicious realization at her. If Jacqueline was going to reach out, she would have already. She felt childish for continuing to call and text but she couldn’t quite wrap her head around any of it. It seemed so out of character for the Jacqueline that she knew, then again maybe her friends had been right when they said ‘you don’t really know her’.

 _“I wonder where you are sometimes...that’s not true. I wonder where you are everyday. I hope you’re happy and safe wherever you are. Richard assures me you are but he still refuses to tell me anything else. I can’t say I blame him, he’s a good friend. Loyal to a tee that one.”_ Jane laughed at herself and then sighed even louder. _“I probably won’t send anymore messages. You clearly don’t want to talk to me. Just know I’m thinking about you. Good-bye Jacqueline.”_

Jane set down the phone and rubbed at her eyes determined not to cry.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trust me...


	6. Deviation

_ I may put you on a pedestal  _

_ But I’m not your fall from grace _

_ Maybe I enjoy the punishment _

_ Maybe I enjoy the chase _

_ You say you love me in the darkness _

_ But in the day I am denied _

 

_ Baby it’s alright  _

_ You can use me anytime _

_ Baby it’s alright  _

_ You can use me anytime _

_ -Use Me  by Goo Goo Dolls _

 

 

 

Jane saw Jacqueline rub her thumb over her hand once, twice, three times.The heat from her hands radiated up her arm. The feeling was familiar like she’d had a tingle up her spine since the day she’d met Jacqueline. Jane looked up and stormy blue eyes were taking her in. They were the same they had always been. They were affectionate and searching, watchful and passionate. How had she never noticed that this look was reserved for her alone? She looked around her and the room morphed into Jacqueline’s living room, two years prior, the same stormy blue eyes with the same desperate look staring back at her. How had she never noticed the knot in her stomach that appeared when those ocean deep eyes met hers.  The blonde’s thumb rubbed her hand again and Jane was startled awake by the blaring of her alarm clock. She sat up rod straight drenched in a cold sweat.

~~~~

Jacqueline’s heels echoed off  the concrete as she climbed the steps to the New York County Courthouse, never making eye contact with the reporters that stood all around her. She had exited the towncar that had picked her up before the sun rose, with a single purpose. To make it through the day in one piece, no matter what that meant. As her eyes focused in front of her, she could see Richard at the top of the stairs and she focused solely on him. One foot in front of the other, she could only hear her foot falls and the rustle of her skirt against her thighs. Her legs felt like they were moving in molasses, time all around her stood still. Richard smiled softly at her, his suit meticulously pressed.  She knew the reporters that surrounded her were vying for her attention but their voices didn’t break through the buzz in her head. They attempted to block her way but Richard reached out through the crowd and ushered her inside. 

The marble columns jutted above them and the noise of one of the busiest courthouses in the nation hit her full force. Heels against the polished floors echoed off the walls and numerous voices became a wave of sound. The quiet of the last few weeks hadn’t prepared her for the onslaught today was likely to bring. Her focus was pulled in every which direction. Finally Richard placed his hand on her back and led her down the hall. He pushed open the large mahogany doors that led into a waiting area where the hum of the crowds was silenced. She looked to Richard and gratefully placed her hand on his arm. She ran her hands through her hair and haphazardly took a seat  placing her purse on the chair next to her. Richard hadn’t said a word to her, not that he didn’t want to but rather he didn’t think she was capable of hearing him just yet. He still saw the frantic slightly frazzled look in her eyes. He paced as he chose his first words carefully.

“Today is only day one of what could be months for this trial. Pace yourself.” He kneeled in front of her and looked her in the eyes. “You don’t have to be here everyday and as Ian’s wife you are exempt from testifying unless you should choose to.” Jacqueline nodded in acknowledgement but pulled her eyes from his. “Are you planning on leaving the city again after this hearing? The house is yours for as long as you’d like.” Richard finally took a seat next to her. She didn’t answer him but instead stared at  her phone, aimlessly scrolling. He looked over her shoulder and saw her land on a message from Jane, dozens of them in fact. He took a deep breath.

“She’s been asking about you.” Richard was reluctant to even bring Jane up but Jacqueline couldn’t hide forever.   She looked up at him again and he could see the guilt on her face. She bit her lip and looked skyward. 

“This isn’t me Richard. I should be focused on helping Ian. I should be focused on mending my marriage.” She stood up and began to pace. “ But I...I can’t get her out of my head.” She let out an incredulous laugh at the revelation and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I just spent the last three weeks hauled up in a beautiful beach house and I feel worse for the wear and.... ” She brought her hand up to cover her mouth and walked the short length of the room. Her mind floated back to the white house with blue shutters that she had called home for almost a month.    

The coast line was jagged where it met the water and in the distance a red roofed barn accompanied a lighthouse. Richard dropped her off at his family's house in Maine, he gave her the key to the car in the garage and said the fridge was fully stocked. As he pulled away, she looked out to the lighthouse and felt as lost as the ships that needed its light to guide them. She had gotten Jane’s first text message while in the car. 

She stood on the porch unmoving and eventually sat on the swing that faced the ocean until the stars shone. She woke the next morning and stared out at the Atlantic. Her phone dinged and she felt Jane before she even looked at the screen. Leaving yet another unanswered message she headed for the beach. The waters were frigid but she walked through the waves and she let the numbness creep up her legs. Mid-day would greet her before she’d venture back into the house.

She wanted to reassure Jane that she’d done nothing wrong, that in fact she had been the perfect remedy to her woes. Too perfect. She wanted to comfort her, and hear her voice  exuberant again but every time she began to type out a reply, she caught herself. She didn’t trust herself not to make the situation worse, sprinklings of affection had that effect. She wanted to turn her phone off entirely and figure out what had changed that made her see Jane with new eyes and how she could fix it but she needed to be available if her boys needed her.  

There was a small library in the west wing of the house with a window seat where she sat with a book open on her lap that she didn’t read a word of.  When she couldn’t stand the questions that swirled in her mind, she’d walk along a small path at a local park. She could picture Jane at her desk, texting her about Andrew’s state of frenzy. She had nearly answered her out of habit after that text. Jane’s messages were affectionate, small tokens of their short lived friendship.  Of course she had begun to fall for the ball of energy and light that was Jane. 

Ian called numerous times, she ignored him. Her lawyer called once and left a message informing her when his first hearing would be. She spoke to her children and found joy in their happy voices. Only after she had spoken to them, did she realize what she needed to do. She picked up a pen and begin to write. 

**_Dear Ian,_ **

**_You’ve made my life an adventure many times over, I’m grateful for the years we’ve spent together and most of all our children but…_ **

She crumpled the paper and threw it into the fireplace. Was she really going to throw a twenty two year marriage away. There was no proof of his guilt yet and even if he was guilty was it worth giving up on her husband. For better or for worse, she knew the vows she took and she took them very seriously.  Ian had forgiven her for many things over the years. Should she not do the same for him?

**_Jane,_ **

**_Forgive me. I don’t want to be the reason you’re smile is faltering. I wish I could explain but…_ **

She ripped the paper from its pad and it suffered the same fate as her draft to Ian had.   _ Dammit Jacqueline this is ridiculous _ . She chastised herself. Jane was her employee and in a relationship. She had shown absolutely no indication that the feelings that she was just now discovering were mutual. Had she? She needed to end this before it became anything more. How could she have been so naive? 

Numerous drafts of each letter built a pile of paper along the fireplace and word by word she emptied her broken, tired and confused heart onto the page.  Her fondness for Jane was new and fragile but relentless. Her anger at Ian was holding on just as tightly. She wrote until her circumstances made a little more sense. All the while,  she saw every heart wrenching message and heard every desperate voicemail Jane sent. Her last had brought Jacqueline to tears. 

Now two handwritten letters; a confession and an apology were each tucked safely into her purse. She quickly came back to the present moment her foot tapping lightly in anticipation of Ian’s hearing. She looked at Richard who was waiting for her to speak again.

“She has been nothing but supportive and I shut her out completely. I hurt her.”

“I’m sure you can fix whatever you did. Don’t let it distract you from what’s important.”

“I don’t know if I-” A woman knocked on the door ready to escort them to the courtroom. Jacqueline sat two rows from the front of the courtroom, she wanted to be present but wasn’t prepared to be close enough for Ian to turn and speak to her. Richard was to her left and reassuringly patted her hand.

 The door to the chamber swung open and Ian was escorted through its double paneling. He wore the gray suit Jacqueline had bought him two birthdays prior. She tapped her foot nervously and took a deep breath. Ian turned his head toward her almost immediately. They could still sense one another in a room and it was unnerving. He smiled at her just as he always had whenever they hadn’t seen each other for a while. As she struggled to react, she felt a light touch to her knee. She turned and was suddenly face to face with Jane. 

“Hi.” She stood tall despite her stature wearing a short leather skirt and patterned top that Jacqueline had never seen before. Her eyes were lined with soft brown liner and her cheeks were rosy. Her makeup was flawless yet natural. Her eyes shone bright and welcoming. She had come prepared. She only said one word but it warmed Jacqueline’s entire chest.

“H-Hi...What are you doing here?” Jacqueline’s voice caught and she could feel Ian’s eyes on them.

“I thought you could use some support.” She set her purse on the bench next to Jacqueline.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Jacqueline's own voice sounded weak to her ears. Jane’s smile faltered slightly but she kept it intact. As Jacqueline was about to insist that Jane leave, the officer of the court announced the judges arrival. 

“All rise for the Honorable Judge Sally Gonzalez.” Jane scooted into the row next to her as Richard looked at her and raised an eyebrow, he was met with a  scowl . Jacqueline was looking straight ahead with Ian’s eyes searing into her. Jane could feel the discomfort falling off of her in waves. She leaned in and whispered into her ear.

“It’s going to be ok.  Richard and I will be here the whole time.” Jane grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. Every ounce of Jacqueline that had been tense and ready to run at the sight of her suddenly relaxed. She held on, she shouldn't have but she did. There it was again, that quiet in the chaos. She had every intention of pushing Jane away, but she couldn’t bring herself to even think of such a treacherous thing now. Who could ever push Jane away? Jane looked down at their intertwined hands and watched as Jacqueline rubbed her fingers over her knuckles.

Jacqueline turned to her and smiled lightly. She didn’t see Ian  staring at the brunette. His face fell, rage lining his eyes and he turned to his lawyer. “I have new information, that will change everything.” As Ian turned to sit he caught Jane’s eyes and scowled. The sinister look on his face  frightened her but she wasn’t sure why. She hadn’t thought much about his predicament or if she believed in his innocence but suddenly she felt the need to.

“Your honor. Our forensic accounting team shows multiple transactions from Ian Carlyle’s personal accounts to a Scarlet owned front and then out again to a third party overseas account. As of yet the final destination of the funds has not been found.” The prosecutor lifted the files of forensic data for effect. Ian’s lawyer interjected.

“Your honor Ian Carlyle is a well respected member of his community, a family man who is being falsely accused.” Ian’s lawyer looked from her client to the judge as she stood. “If I may new evidence has just been brought to my attention. I’d like to ask for a brief recess, if I may.”

“You have one hour. At which point I will expect all parties to be thoroughly prepared.” The judge rose and walked back into her chambers. Ian was escorted back into custody as Jacqueline stood. Samantha Tilbet moved to Jacqueline and placed her hand on her elbow stopping her gently.

“Ian has requested a meeting. He says he has new evidence to exonerate himself and he needs to see you. The judge has granted a brief meeting under surveillance of course. I’ll have someone bring him to you.”

Jacqueline turned to Richard and whispered in his ear, he nodded his understanding and left the courtroom. She looked to Jane and held her gaze. Her shoulders became heavier knowing she’d have to face both Jane and Ian  in a very short amount of time. If she’d learned anything over the past few weeks it was that there’s no time like the present. As the courtroom emptied Jacqueline sat on the wooden bench behind her and crossed her legs toward Jane.

“Sit.” She motioned to the spot next to her. She smiled softly as the woman complied.  “What are you doing here, Jane?”

“I told you already I’m-” She was cut off by a raised eyebrow from the women she had forgotten could read her so well. “You taught me to never back down and to fight for what I want. So here I am.” The words caught in Jane’s throat. Jacqueline swallowed heavily and searching the other woman’s eyes. “What is it that you want Jane?” Jacqueline’s throat was suddenly desert dry. 

“Against the advice of Sutton and Kat, I came for an explanation.  You just disappeared. Right now, what I want most is for you to tell me why you ran away.”

“I didn’t run away. I took some time away and...It’s complicated.” Jacqueline didn’t break eye contact with Jane, she watched as the younger woman’s face was unrelenting. Jacqueline had always wanted Jane to find the confidence to stare down any adversary, but she never thought that it would be her on the other end of it.

“No, I think it’s probably pretty simple, you’re just scared to be honest with me. Which if I’m being honest is throwing me for a loop because the Jacqueline Carlyle that I know is always honest even when it hurts. It felt like running away to me. I’ve been racking my brain and overthinking which apparently I’ve been told I’m prone to doing.” Jane chuckled at the self deprecating tone in her own voice. The movement caused a strand of her bangs to fall loose from the bobby pin that had kept it off of her face.

Jacqueline’s hand gently moved forward and lifted Jane’s heavy bangs from her eyes and paused before she tucked the hair behind her ear. Her fingers traced down the slope of Jane’s jaw and cupped her chin lightly in them. She had wanted to reach out so many times before, to give a physical reassurance but the depth of the truth of her actions always seized her hands in midair. She understood now that her prior hesitation had not been without warrant. With Jane’s warm skin touching hers, she could feel the pull to escalate her caress. The moment stood still, catching them both in the bubble it created. Jacqueline no longer felt the cold hard surface she sat on though it still held her up. 

A quick deep clearing of a throat caused them both to turn and see that the court officer had escorted Ian back into the courtroom just in time to witness the entire exchange. Jane stood abruptly and gathered her purse and phone. Jacqueline stopped her by the wrist. 

“I’ll meet you outside.” She smiled and squeezed her wrist gently. As Jane turned to leave she stole one more glance at Jacqueline who now had her eyes locked with Ian. Jacqueline didn’t stand as Jane left but instead she crossed her arms over her chest and waited for Ian to approach.

 If she had scanned the room earlier she would have realized that she and Jane were never truly alone. A few stragglers and the stenographer were present the entire time. Ian approached and took the chair from under the defenses table.  He placed it as close to the railing as possible, watching the unmoving form before him.

“Hello dear.” His words were soft if not questioning. ”I’m ready to tell you everything but first you have to clear something up for me.” Jacqueline nodded for him to continue, relaxing slightly and letting her arms fall to her side. “I saw how you touched her.“ Ian whispered the words in his heavy accent. “She follows you like a love sick puppy. Before I thought it was merely her but now, dare I say? It’s you who worries me the most. Jackie, do you have feelings for this girl?” His words weren’t accusing. They were soft and full of concern. That startled her more than if he had come at her in anger. She didn’t answer him, she couldn’t. She felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. Ian reached out and gently picked up her hand that now rested on the railing between them. 

“I miss you.” He was being sincere.; another unexpected blow to Jacqueline.

 “How did we get here Ian?” Jacqueline let her head fall and rest on their intertwined hands.  “One minute everything seems to be going according to plan, we were happy or at least I told myself we were. Then all the pieces came crumbling down, only when I started to look back did I realize all the cracks that were there before you were arrested. It hasn’t been right between us for a very long time, has it?”

“No I suppose it hasn’t.” He squeezed her hand gently and pulled away. He crossed his legs and turned away from her slightly. “I never meant for it to go this far, I thought I could fix it before it was too late.” Jacqueline raised her head, she wasn’t sure if he was speaking of his crimes or their marriage. She studied him noticing for the first time the sheen of sweat along his forehead and the slight tremor in his hands as he tried to hold them still in his lap.

“Ian, are you sick?” He looked at her and tried to control the tremors.

“No, nothing a little time won’t fix. I want you to know that I don’t blame you for your attraction to Jane. I understand now that it was merely you acting out from the lack of my affections. I intend to change that. We can be as strong as we once were.” Ian placed both feet on the ground again and put his weight onto his hands which rested atop his knees. Jacqueline suddenly stood up rod straight. She wanted to slap him for insisting her affections for Jane where some kind of pathetic reaction to the distance between them but then she’d have to admit the true nature of her feelings for Jane. She could feel the letter in her purse pulling at her. She reached into her bag and handed it to the officer standing behind them. 

“I’ll have to clear it with the court ma’am.” He took the envelope with it’s crumpled edges and distanced himself from their conversation.

“Ian my alleged affections for Jane are not the problem, we are.” She grabbed her purse and walked away from her husband. She would not be attending the remainder of his hearing.

****

Jane wrapped her fingers around the edge of the door, slowing its swing as she closed it. She looked into the busy hallway, bustling with lawyers and clerks alike rushing to each of their next tasks. She spotted Richard and against her better judgement walked toward him. He nodded his head and made room for her to stand next to him against the wall.

“I’ll give you credit for being relentless.” Richard sipped at the coffee he had gotten from the cart down the hall.

“She needs support. I wasn’t going to abandon her.” Jane slumped next to him, letting the wall support most of her weight. They hadn’t been on the nicest of terms since she had stormed his office. This was the most they had said to each other since the incident.

“While that may be true, I can’t help but wonder how helpful it is having you here.” Richard watched the anger building on on Jane’s face. 

“How can you say that?!” She lifted her back from the wall and invaded his personal space.

“She’s fighting to save her marriage and having you here confuses the situation.” He struggled to control his volume; his tone harsher than she’d heard him speak before. Jane’s eyes went wide. Richard stepped back and dropped his shoulders; realizing he had said too much.

“Why would having me here confuse her?” Jane’s cheeks lost all color as the blood rushed from her face. Richard tried to find the words to undo his mistake when he spotted the blonde in question over Jane’s shoulder. His face showed panic for the first time since Jane had known him. 

“Jacqueline.”

  
  



	7. Possibilities

 

 

_And my friend said_  
_"I know you love her, but it's over, mate_  
_It doesn't matter, put the phone away_  
_It's never easy to walk away, let her go_  
_It'll be okay_  
_It's gonna hurt for a bit of time_  
_So bottoms up, let's forget tonight_  
_You'll find another and you'll be just fine_  
_Let her go"_

_But nothing heals the past like time_  
_And they can't steal_  
_The love you're born to find_  
_But nothing heals the past like time_  
_And they can't steal_  
_The love you're born to find_

_-Be Alright by Dean Lewis_

 

 

Jacqueline’s shoulders stiffen slightly, she had clearly heard what Richard had said though any fear that might have played across her face  was gone as quickly as it had appeared. She was once again the epitome of composure. She exchanged a measured look with Richard. Jane could feel the words on the tip of her tongue threatening to escape. She let her eyes silently plead with Jacqueline to say something, anything.  Her questions instead burned in her chest unanswered. 

“Richard could you give us a moment, please.” Jacqueline placed a hand on his shoulder gently.

“Of course, ladies.” He bowed his head to them both as he ventured back into the courtroom. Jacqueline crossed her arms and bore a typical Carlyle gaze studying Jane’s face. 

“I believe the question was, why would you being here confuse me.Correct?” 

“Yes.” Jane didn't miss a beat.

“You’re a smart girl, Jane. I think you know the answer to that and because of that I think you should go.” She saw the immediate shock play across Jane’s features and quickly took both of the woman’s shoulders in her hands. “We’re not done here.”  She motioned between them. “But it’s best if you don’t go back in.” 

Jacqueline had been very clear in her silence over the past weeks but Jane couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn't the whole truth. Despite her better judgement, she had shown up at the courthouse today. She had been sure it was a mistake until Jacqueline caressed her cheek. She could still feel the scalding touch along her skin. The same electricity she had felt at the nightclub was reignited with a vengeance.  It was one thing to try and cut Jane out of her life with silence, it was a complete other to touch her like that and then try to push her away. To send a jolt of energy through her body that felt like renewal and home and then expect her to leave was too much. Jane’s eyes met Jacqueline’s, those icy blue and ethereal eyes that hid so much. 

“I shouldn’t have come.” Jane let her head fall.  “I didn't want to believe that you could be so cold and cut me out of your life so easily but I was wrong.” She felt like a part of her heart was being ripped from her chest.

“Jane, please trust me this is for the best.” Jacqueline fought her instincts to pull her into an embrace but instead she pleaded for Jane’s understanding with a soft brush of her thumb over the back of Jane’s hand. Every instance that Jacqueline had run her fingers over Jane’s skin like this, smashed into her. An understanding mentor, a supportive boss, a loving friend; every incarnation of Jacqueline and yet every one of them had ran and never explained why. Jane’s expression turned cold. 

“That's the problem. I don’t trust you anymore.” She lowered her voice to almost a whisper but every ounce of hurt and anger bleed through despite the volume.”Do you have any idea what the past few weeks have been like for me?” Jane extracted herself from Jacqueline’s touch. This time Jacqueline didn’t mask the hurt that covered her face.  Jane turned quickly before the other woman could see her tears fall.

Jane hurried through the hordes of people littering the hallway. Her heels were digging into the sides of her feet as she ran to the front door and down the street  to the subway. She had been fighting a nagging feeling since Sanctuary, one that once again rose up in her chest. She shouldn't be feeling like this. So her boss turned friend didn’t want her around anymore, she could handle that. She had lost friends before but this was Jacqueline, her Jacqueline. She stopped dead in her tracks and reprimanded herself for the thought.

The heavy truth had just been blurted out. She didn't trust Jacqueline anymore. She had thought that if she showed up today all of her fears  would be erased and they could start over. Yet the scalding feeling of having lost something more than a friend came rearing its ugly head again.

 

**~~~~**

As the prosecution continued to stack the evidence against Ian, Jacqueline's stomach began to turn. She had known the evidence had to be compelling to even arrest him but this was larger than she had imagined. Each passing hour was marked by forensic accountants  one by one displaying damning evidence against her husband. As the judge dismissed the court for the weekend, Richard reached out and squeezed Jacqueline’s hand. 

Her expression continued to grow weary with each passing moment. She sat glued to her chair as the people around her filed out. She stared at a spot on the floor and inspected the dust that had accumulated around the bolted down benches.

“Jacq.” Richard inquired tentatively.

“I didn’t believe he had done it. Not really, until now .” She looked up, still not looking at Richard but abandoning the growing piles of dust that had stolen her attention. She placed her hands on her knees and leaned forward. “I was hopeful when Samantha said he had evidence to exonerate himself but it seemed to have been a ruse to have a moment to talk to me.”

“We always want to believe the best of our loved ones, they don’t always live up to it.“

“It's not just Ian.  I’ve lost all perspective on the situation. My life is in shambles and all I could think the entire time was , should I have let Jane stay?” Jacqueline looked at Richard just in time to see his shock. “Please don’t lecture me on how irresponsible and inappropriate this is. I’ve said all those things to myself a hundred times over.” Richard placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I wasn’t going to say that. The heart wants what it wants. I’ve been in a similar position.  If you recall, her name is Sutton.” He tried to lighten the mood but received only a faint smile. “Though I will say, Ian deserves to know where your heart is before you go any further.” Little did he know, she had done just that with the letter she had handed her husband earlier in the afternoon.

 

**~~~~**

The morning had barely begun when Jane heard a pounding on her front door. She looked at her alarm and the blue letters read 6:30 am. She pulled a blanket around her and half asleep walked to the front door; looking through the peephole. Kat was on the other side smiling. In each hand she held a steaming cup of coffee and a bag of pastries from the French bakery in Soho that Jane loved so much. She fumbled with the lock and nearly tripped over her shoes that she had left in the entryway.  She quickly swung open the door, hurrying to wrap the blanket tighter around her as she did. When Jane met Kats eyes, she wore a scowl that said ‘murdering her best friend’ was a possibility this morning.

“You know what time it is right?!” Jane scolded her.

“Get dressed and get your coat.” 

“Kat, what the hell's going on?”

“Hurry up or I'm going to eat all these pastries and drink both of these cups of coffee right in front of you.”

Jane just stood in the doorway as Kat began to unwrap the pastries and started eating one in front of her as promised. Jane groaned and motioned for Kat to come in as she quickly ran to her bedroom and changed into the first pair of jeans she could find. She grabbed her sneakers and a hoodie and stepped into the living room with her arms wide.

“Happy?”

“We're going to take a little walk.” Kat led the way out the front door.

Late summer had met New York City suddenly and with all of its brilliance. Fall would come early this year, as a chill had already begun to find the wee hours of the morning. A pair of squirrels scurried up a nearby tree as Kat drank silently. She handed Jane her pastry and coffee as she discarded the drink holder she had been carrying. She took a left once on the sidewalk and walked towards the park on the corner. Jane followed her slowly as they got onto the well-worn path that led under a row of trees. 

“Not that I don't enjoy spending time with you because I do and I'm always very grateful for pastries and coffee but why are we taking a walk at the ass crack of dawn on a Saturday?”

“Jane, are you in love with Jacqueline?” Jane spit out her coffee covering the sidewalk in front of her with the spray.

“What?!”

“Hey, listen, it's me. Ok, I get it.” She picked the nearest bench and motioned for Jane to sit down next to her.  “Sutton and I are your best friends right?”

“Right.”

“And we’ve never steered you wrong before?”

“Despite some questionable drink choices, no.”

“Ok then. I’ve been with you almost every moment over the past three weeks. I’ve seen you cry over Jacqueline and laugh to yourself when you’re texting her. I’ve also seen how your relationship with her has changed over the last few months. I was going to let that all go until I saw this.” Kat pulled her phone from her pocket ; a picture of Jane and Jacqueline from the day before graced the front page of the news app she had opened . Jane took the phone from her friend and studied the picture. Jacqueline was reaching out and tucking the brunette’s hair behind her ear as she leaned into the touch.

“Shit.” Jane dragged her finger along the picture, framing Jacqueline's face. Tears fell freely from her eyes as she chuckled to herself. She looked up slowly and met Kat’s eyes. “Do you think she knows?”

“I don’t know.” Kat draped her arms around Jane and the shorter woman placed her head on Kat’s shoulder. “Bonus points for shooting for the stars though. Jacqueline Carlyle is an 11.” Jane laughed into Kat's arm and handed her back her phone.

“Well at least this feeling in my chest makes more sense now.” 

“Awe Tiny Jane, baby gay denial is fierce. I remember it well.” Kat looked longingly into the distance. Jane playfully slapped her arm. “Do you think she feels the same way about you?”

“I want to say yes, but I don’t think I can trust my own judgement when it comes to her right now. Though Richard did say something yesterday that made me wonder and Jacqueline certainly didn’t deny it when she heard him.“

“What did he say?”

“That having me around confused the situation when Jacqueline was trying to fight for her marriage. Ugh Kat she’s married! She’s a married woman!” 

“Ok simmer down,  it’s not like you are planning on acting on these feelings.  I think this has been enough excitement for one morning. Let's go home.” They walked back around the corner silently until they were forced to stop dead in their tracks. A slew of reporters and photographers larger than Jane had ever seen encircled her building. 

“Crap.”

 

**~~~~**

 

The trek across town was accompanied by stares from passerby. Kat hadn’t expressly told Jane that the picture from the courtroom was in wide circulation but by the number of people recognizing her on the subway, she could guess that at least the island of Manhattan had well seen it. They found themselves outside Richard and Sutton’s apartment. Jane pushed the intercom button, silently pleading Sutton would answer. No such luck. 

“Yes.” Richard’s voice rang out .Jane wasn’t quite sure why but she felt like this was exactly the place she needed to be, though she didn’t particularly want to see Richard after their last interaction.

“It’s Jane. Is Sutton in?”

“Yes but it’s really not a good time right now Jane.”

“Listen there's a swarm of reporters outside my apartment, I can’t get in and I really need my friend right now.” After a long moment of silence. The door buzzed and Kat and Jane took the elevator to the lavish apartment. Three quick knocks on the door and it swung open. Sutton immediately embraced Jane and smoothed down her messy hair.

“Hey babe. Listen, heads up but we have a  guest.” Just as the words came out of her mouth, Jacqueline popped her head around the corner.

“Hello, Jane.”

“Jacqueline.” Her voice hiding none of her surprise or anger, as she answered over Sutton’s shoulder still in her embrace. Jane didn’t take her eyes off of Jacqueline as the older woman walked toward her in silence.

“We should talk.” Jacqueline said as she reached out to put her hand on Jane’s elbow, the brunette pulled away. The morning had brought more revelations than Jane was ready to deal with. She could feel her hurt more prevalently than her newly discovered feelings and she stayed rooted to where she stood. Richard, Sutton and Kat could feel the palpable tension and dispersed; busying  themselves in the kitchen where a breakfast spread had been assembled. Jacqueline could feel the distance Jane was trying to create.

“Please.” The Editor pleaded. Jane pursed her lips and nodded her head following Jacqueline into the spare bedroom, closing the door behind her. 

Jane had only been in the guest room once before, to sleep off a night of particularly bad decisions. She scanned the room and saw a set of luggage. She looked back to Jacqueline and saw that the bed behind her had been slept in as well.

“Are you staying here?” She pointed to the suitcase.

“I did last night, yes.” Jacqueline moved to sit on the edge of the bed, hands in her lap; eyes never leaving Jane. The brunette didn’t say anything, deciding that the ‘why’ she wanted to speak was unnecessary. If her apartment was swarming with reporters then Jacqueline’s most certainly was too. 

“So we are both homeless for the time being...fabulous.” Jane sat on the bed next to Jacqueline and laid onto her back; staring at the ceiling for something to pull her focus. Jacqueline huffed in humor but they soon found themselves sitting in silence for more minutes than either of them wanted to count.

“So you don’t trust me anymore.” Jacqueline looked at her. Jane sat up and turned to face her, one knee bent on the bed as she did.

“Why does that surprise you? One minute we are dancing and smiling; enjoying a perfectly nice evening and the next you disappeared for three weeks without a word! Then you kick me out of the courthouse after you touch my face like...” Jane stopped before the words could leave her mouth. She took a moment to catch her breath, the barrage of words spilling out of her in one onslaught. She’d held back none of the anger that had plagued her as of late but she wasn’t quite ready to say those words aloud just yet.

“Like what?” Jacqueline countered, intrigued. She waited for the writer, whose eyes were unrelenting.  Jane didn’t speak. She had learned to stand her ground with the blonde over the years. Jacqueline sighed heavily and looked away. “Are we going to play this game forever? I find a reason to reach out. I touch your arm, your shoulder and you say something a little too close to the truth but we cover it quickly by re-establishing the boss/employee line.” Her features softened. Jane watched Jacqueline say the most sincere thing to pass between them in ages and her heart ached. 

“I was going to say, ‘like you wanted to do more’.  Do you know what that feels like? For you to touch me and pull away.” Jane was fighting tears where moments earlier rage filled her thoughts. “ It hurts like hell.” 

“I never meant to hurt you.  I needed time.” She stood and moved toward the window.

“So you’ve said. I know everything with Ian has been overwhelming but I would have helped. I want to help.” Jane moved to the window pulling herself up onto the large ledge positioning herself between the view and  Jacqueline with a million questions in her eyes.

“I’m sorry is  the best I can offer.” Jacqueline reached out for the second time in two days but she faltered. Her hand hung in midair. She knew what would happen if she touched the alabaster skin in front of her again. Jane watched the fight play across her face and abruptly moved forward until Jacqueline’s fingers brushed her cheek like fire in the winter. Trust or not, Jane couldn’t deny what had been discovered and beat with every pump of her heart. Jacqueline’s eyes fluttered closed at the touch.

“Why did you need time away from me Jacqueline?”  Jane searched her eyes and found the same fight that she had been struggling with. Jacqueline’s breath hitched and Jane didn’t think as she moved forward. She saw the small flecks of silver in the blonde’s electric blue eyes. Her head screamed for her to stop until her lips collided with Jacqueline’s and her mind stopped fighting. She expected surprise from the lips hers touched but she was met with hunger.

She pulled back and saw what had been staring back at her for the last four years, desire.  The same million questions from before swirled in Jane’s head but all she could focus on was the smear of Jacqueline’s lipstick, a smear she had created. She wrapped her hand around the collar of Jacqueline’s shirt and pulled her into her, wrapping her legs around the woman’s waist. Jacqueline lifted her from where she sat on the window seal and gently carried her toward the bed, laying her onto it. She watched Jane’s lips part as a sly smile appeared across her face. Jacqueline put a hand on either side of Jane’s head, fingers gripping the sheets. It suddenly hit Jacqueline what she was about to do. Before she could pull away, a knock sounded and the door swung open.

“Ian’s been taken to the hospital, he’s had a heart attack.”

Richard stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the precarious position Jane and Jacqueline were in.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been a bit longer on this update. With the announcement of Season 4 coming so soon in January. I'm going to do my best to get this finished before then. Five more chapters maybe, who knows. I certainly don't! Let me know what you thought. Happy weekend!


	8. Underhanded

_Some people say there's nothing really real here_

_They're painted like a sun without a soul  
So I thought I could love nothing but the breeze here  
But I fell hard for what just blew in off the coast  
Stay all-in right now _

_  
Salt drips from her brow  
No more days without  
Makes me feel so right  
I can do no wrong  
We'll keep going strong _

_Million Bucks -Smallpools_

 

 

The harsh lighting of the hospital corridors made her skin look a sickly yellow. She saw a blur of faces as she jogged down the hallway, her heels clicking against the tiling and echoing off the sanitized walls. She pushed past a man standing in front of her and stopped abruptly at the nurses station. Her phone slipped from her sweaty palms  as she tried to put it back into her pocket. Her hair and outfit were still unkempt from where less than an hour before Jane’s fingers had been tangled in them .She was sure her face betrayed how frantic she was but if there was ever a moment she was allowed to let her true feelings show it was now. 

“How can I help you?” A willowy women of at least sixty answered with a calm that Jacqueline wasn’t sure she was ever going to feel again.

“I got a call they brought my husband in. He had a heart attack, Ian Carlyle.” Her fingertips were pressed hard against the cold plastic laminate counter that separated her from the woman who sat behind it . She spread her fingers and  pushed her hands into the counter, grounding herself as the nurse searched for Ian’s whereabouts. Jacqueline looked to either side of herself and took a deep breath. A man in a neck brace sat with blood trickling down his forehead to her right while a mother tried to quiet a screaming infant to her left. She began to tap her fingers against the counter in a frenzy.

“He’s in the cardiac ward room G122 but there’s-” Jacqueline took off without waiting for her to finish. She doubled back to the elevator she had passed and slid into its closing doors. She searched the floor descriptions and pushed the button for the seventh floor, the cardiac ward. Her eyes  weren’t focused as she stared at her feet. She saw the edge of her silk blouse and noticed the dangling button near her collarbone and she instantly saw her morning playback in her mind’s eye.

_Jacqueline stumbled to her feet, searching for her shoes as Richard quickly closed the guest room door behind him leaving them alone once more.  Jane was still laying on the bed, a deer in the headlights. Jacqueline rummaged through her purse. Finally finding the handheld mirror she was looking for, she tried to fix her smeared makeup. Jane put her weight onto her arms, slowly lifting herself up to a sitting position. She made quick work of fixing her own hair and shirt. Jacqueline’s eyes were unfocused as she continued to search the room for her phone._

_“A car will be here in less than five minutes for you.” Richard’s words fell on deaf ears from the other side of the closed guest room door. Jacqueline turned to Jane; her confusion evident.  When Jane sat up fully she found Jacqueline’s phone underneath her. She handed it to her and saw the fear in her eyes. As Jacqueline turned to find her coat, Jane slipped out of the room.As soon as Richard had told her which hospital Ian was at, she had left without another word._

Now waiting in the crowded elevator, she wished she had waited for someone to accompany her. She needed Richard’s level head and Jane’s compassionate heart. She unconsciously played with the torn thread that barely attached the navy button to her shirt. She closed her eyes and brought her closed fist up to her mouth, resting her thumbnail on her lips. She could still taste Jane’s cinnamon flavored lip  gloss and feel the pressure of her small strong legs wrapped around her. Then she thought of Ian possibly clinging to life a few floors above her and her chest tightened. 

He didn’t deserve this, no matter what he had done. She was still his wife and she had cheated; no matter what her future plans had been . A letter she had written at the beach with ivory stationary flashed in her mind. She had handed it off to an officer of the court only yesterday. Had Ian read it? Had it contributed to his sudden heart attack?

_Dear Ian,_

_Do you remember how we used to be? Before life got in the way, before the kids and the press knew where we lived. Before money and status and the endless goal of chasing the next big story took over. I miss our five hundred square foot apartment that barely held our couch let alone the both of us. We were always looking for more but we were happy.  We’d miss each other after only an hour apart. I kissed you every time you left the room and you wrote me a love letter whenever you had to leave town. I can’t say I recognize those people in us anymore._

_Even before your arrest, I came home to an empty apartment. We would go weeks without speaking while you were on whichever assignment you had deemed the most noble but  in reality the most dangerous. Our marriage has been broken for longer than either of us is willing to admit. It crept up on us. When we weren’t watching, we fell out of love. I know you’re a fighter by nature and no doubt want to give it our best shot to stay together but I’m tired. Tired of pretending that we have anything left between us. We will always have our boys and I will be forever grateful for the gift you have given me in them but we need to let each other go. I wish I could say these things in person, you deserve to hear them in person but circumstances being what they are, I can’t. Please let me go._

_Jacqueline_

The elevator doors slid open and she was the first to exit the crowded box. She ran past the nurse posted on the floor, hearing the blonde call after her. Ian’s room was at the end of the first hall, situated in the center of the corridor; a glass box. Ian’s still figure could be seen through the panes. Whether he was asleep or unconscious she wasn’t sure.  His skin was as gray as the pavement that littered the city outside, sweat covering his brow ; lips chapped. A small oxygen tube ran under his nose and an IV from his arm. She had never associated fragility with him before now.

As she approached the door, Jacqueline took a deep breath, ran her fingers through her hair and straightened her crumbled top. She was painfully aware of her appearance. She waited for her heart rate to return to a steady rhythm and moved forward . She hadn’t noticed the two uniformed officers  that stood on each side of his door until she reached for the handle.

“Ma’am no visitors are permitted for this patient.” A low bass voice echoed against the glass. Jacqueline turned to face the officers on either side of her.

“I'm his wife, surely I’m allowed to see him.” She took a quick breath trying to mask that they had startled her.

“Jacqueline Carlyle?” The officer had both hands situated on his utility belt and took a step toward her.

“Yes.” She instinctively took a step back. 

“Jacqueline Carlyle, you are under arrest for conspiring to commit fraud and withholding evidence.” The officer who was at least six feet tall, reached for her shoulders and spun her around, grabbing both of her arms and handcuffing her “You have the right to remain silent. Any-” 

“There’s been a mistake, my husband is the one who was arrested on those charges.” She struggled against her restraints as the officer who had handcuffed her led her down the hall. “There’s been a mistake, you have no right to arrest me.” She kept her voice level down despite her rising panic. The officer stopped abruptly and retrieved a piece of paper from his shirt pocket. He unfolded it and held up the arrest warrant for her to read and continued.

“Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, you have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.”

 

**~~~~**

The sun was still new over the bustling city, pedestrians and passing cars zoomed by the rain covered car windows. Jane’s leg bounced quickly in time with her fingers as she drummed them along the arm rest. Richard had sent a car for the three girls, sending them to try and retrieve some of Jane’s clothes from her apartment. Despite wanting to keep her distance, unsure of her place in this crisis, Jane had texted Jacqueline but had yet to hear back from her.  She turned to see a concerned look from both Kat and Sutton who sat across the back seat with her.  

“I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” Jane asked them in a whisper.

“That’s up to Jacqueline. Does she even want help?.” Sutton gave her a sympathetic smile, suddenly noticing Jacqueline’s shade of lipstick now on her friend’s own swollen lips. She turned her head so only Kat could see and tapped her lips. Kat’s eyes made their way to Jane’s lips and her jaw dropped as she noticed what Sutton had.

“Is the fact that you kissed Jacqueline making it more difficult to see the situation clearly?” Sutton didn’t pull punches when it came to her best friends. Jane turned her head abruptly, eyes wide and her lower lip began to quiver.  “Oh no Janey, I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just teasing.” Sutton brought her into her arms and Jane laid her head on her shoulder, Sutton softly rubbing her back. “I’m a bit jealous actually, is she a good kisser?” Kat burst out laughing. 

“You guys suck!” Jane said her voice partially muffled against Sutton’s sweater. She turned her head to be heard clearer. “To answer your question, yes. So much yes!” The sudden screech from both Kat and Sutton caused the driver to swerve, barely missing the cab next to them. 

“I knew it!” Sutton said mainly to herself. Jane chuckled, still leaning against her chest.

“So what does this mean?” Kat chimed in.

“Not a clue. As much as I enjoyed it, and I really did enjoy it,  she’s still married and I won’t be that girl. I can’t be. I was reckless and went in for a kiss, consequences be damned and now her husband is fighting for his life somewhere. I essentially just ruined our professional relationship. Yep there’s no going back now. Besides, she has more important things to worry about than me. I’m sure I haven’t even crossed her mind.” Jane sat up and put her weight on the door’s armrest, staring out the window again. Kat and Sutton exchanged a knowing look, their friend was surely spinning out. As she started to interject, Sutton’s phone chirped. She swiped the screen and read the message, her face turning white immediately.

“What is it?” Kat looked over her shoulder and quickly wore the same stunned expression. 

“Jacqueline’s been arrested, Richard just got the call. He’s headed there now.” Jane’s eyes flickered with disbelief followed quickly by panic. She leaned forward and tapped the driver's shoulder.

“Stop the car.” Jane turned to Sutton. “Which precinct?”  Sutton was already dialing Richard’s number before Jane could finish. 

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” Sutton nodded her head, listening to Richard recount what he knew. Jane put her hand on Sutton’s forearm leaning in trying to catch what was being said. Sutton lifted her hand and closed the ear opposite of the phone in an attempt to hear him better. “Ok I’ll tell her.” Sutton hung up, hesitating and looking at her phone for a beat longer than necessary. “She’s been booked on conspiracy charges alongside Ian and Jane...She specifically asked that you don’t come.” Jane plopped back into her seat even more unsure then she was a moment ago.

**~~~~**

Jacqueline sat on the ice cold concrete slab that was the New York penal system’s  poor excuse for a bench. Dirt collected under her nails almost as readily as the knots in her neck.  She was in a six by eight cell with five other women awaiting the next step in what was sure to be a flawed execution of the law.  She had tried to scrub the ink from the pads of her fingers but a slight indigo stain persisted. She had been photographed and processed almost immediately, faster than the average arrestee she was sure. She suspected her currently elevated public image was to blame.

The longer she sat in the white noise filled cell, the more she knew there was foul play at hand. She hadn’t slept a wink, switching between worrying about Ian’s condition and replaying her encounter with Jane. She knew she had been getting dangerously close to making a mistake with the girl but she didn’t expect Jane to come barrelling at her. She was fighting her minds insistence on replaying every sensation from their rendezvous .

“Carlyle, you’ve made bail.” Jacqueline’s eyes tracked up the metal bars and met Richards warm smile.  Her first and only phone call had been to him. It rang twice when his suspicious voice answered. He had been just as shocked to hear where she was as she was to be there. He had assured her he would get her out as soon as he possibly could. Despite what she was sure were his best efforts, she had still been there for hours.

“Am I glad to see you.” Jacqueline teased.

“I should hope so after all the favors I had to call in to get you released on a Saturday.” Richard stepped to the side as the officer unlocked the cell and escorted Jacqueline out of it. 

They walked to the steel door that separated them from the outside world and retrieved Jacqueline’s belongings that had been confiscated upon her arrest. An alarm sounded as Richard led Jacqueline out,  his hand protectively behind her every step of the way. As the door secured behind them she turned abruptly and hugged him fiercely. As she released him she patted his shoulder, his lips curled upwards creating a full faced smile.

“What was that for?” Richard descended the stairs out of the precinct and walked alongside her down the street. They turned the corner onto another bustling street and passed a group of officers. One of which tipped his hat and mouthed ‘ma’am’ to Jacqueline. Little did they know she had just been within their confined walls moments earlier. Jacqueline waited until they were out of earshot to answer.

“A well overdue thank you. The last few weeks have been trying but I’ve been able to count on you every step of the way no matter what I’ve put you in the middle of. ” 

“You’d do the same for me.” His hands were in the pockets of his grey suit, jacket buttoned at his waist. They walked at a leisurely pace. 

“I also need to apologize. What you walked in on at your apartment was completely inappropriate. You were kind enough to house me for the night and I disrespected your kindness.” 

“I will say I haven’t been that surprised at what was behind a door in my own house in a while.” He chuckled lightly, though it was clear he was trying to disperse the tension.

“I know you care about Ian and I have put you in an unfortunate circumstance being in the middle of all of this. I need you to know I don’t take any of this lightly.  It’s been building for years and I didn’t even realize it. It took me by surprise... she took me by surprise. I never intended for that to happen or to hurt him.”

“Is she worth all of this?” Richard relinquished his building anxiousness and looked at Jacqueline as she fought the smile that crept across her face as she nodded her head. “Well then fight for her.” 

Jacqueline stopped in her tracks. Richard reached out and rubbed her upper arm. She looked down at her shoes and smiled gratefully for the friend she had been blessed with and that she so desperately needed. When she started to look up, she realized she had blindly started following Richard once they had left the precinct.

“Where are were going?”

“You just spent a day in jail, I thought you could use the fresh air. I doubt they gave you yard time.” Richard grinned at her before looking back at the street before him. Jacqueline playfully bumped her shoulder against his and took a deep breath. 

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Nope, but you aren't out of the woods yet either. I convinced the judge that your current paparazzi tail would make it near impossible to leave the country unnoticed. She agreed to half the bail amount as Ian with a personal guarantee from me you would make the court date. The more distressing part is Ian’s lawyers say they have records of his money transfers with quite a convincing story that you knew about his scheme the entire time and gave him access to Scarlet.”

“You know that isn’t true Richard.” Her eyes pleaded with him.

“I do but now we have to prove it.”

 

**~~~~**

The plush window seat looked out over the turbulent storm that hammered the coast around her . Her beloved spot sat at the center of a carved out alcove in her favorite place in the world, a small grey house in Middletown.  The pillows were worn but beautiful. Wood shelves created a small library that was built into the walls of the alcove. From that seat she had scaled Mount Everest and explored the lost city of Atlantis; discovered great loves and long lasting tragedies. Each book a piece of her. Richard had suggested that she find a place where she could clear her head  before the trial continued. Her arrest hadn’t garnered a restriction to the city and she was more than willing to leave its confines. 

Now Jacqueline watched the waves hit the rocks with abandon. The storm forcing water farther inland than usual. She hummed an aria under her breath, The same one that escaped from an ancient record player that spun  in the next room. She had packed a small bag and hadn’t told a soul where she was going. She sat in a place that normally held such joy for her and felt her tears burn over her already reddened cheeks. Before she had left the city, Richard had handed her a manila envelope with a copy of the statement Ian had sent to the judge just before his heart attack. He accused her of having knowledge of his entire scheme. He gave dates, times and account numbers all somehow tied to her.

He was trying to frame her, betraying her yet again. Her heart was mangled and her trust a thing of the past yet she still felt a glimmer of something hopeful that had nothing at all to do with him. She should have been talking strategy with her lawyers but she didn’t care nearly as much as  she should. Instead she was preoccupied and despite her better efforts it was with Jane. Sweet, lovely Jane. It had happened without incident. It had happened so quietly she hadn’t known until it was too late. She was falling for the petite brunette with fire in her eyes.  

Yet she had asked her not to come with Richard to the police station and she hadn’t told her where she was going, again. A simple text message, _I’m fine_ , was all she had sent. This wasn’t her fight, no matter how much Jane wanted it to be.  Jacqueline didn’t want to bury her in the chaos that was about to erupt. She needed to collect herself, give herself some much needed distance and perspective from the narrow scope of the media’s lens and the wide pool of Jane’s affections. She wouldn’t burden the girl with her ever growing baggage.

She picked a novel from the shelf, one she had yet to have the time to explore, Anna Karenina. Though it was anything but light fare, she always found it soothing to dive into someone else’s drama when hers became too much. The storm that had threatened to sideline her drive to the sleepy town was now upon the grey house’s windows and the pounding of the rain was enough to lull her to sleep before she had read more than a few pages.

She was quickly startled awake as a knock came at the front door. The knock quickly became a pounding as time passed. She stood half asleep as the book that rested on her chest hit the ground. Her feet pattered across the cold hard wood floor and she turned the knob, opening the door to the elements. The image before her was surely a dream. Jane stood, smile as wide as the ocean,  drenched from the rain drops that tapped their rhythm on the roof. No matter how she wished it, this was no dream. Jacqueline stared in shock not moving, barricading the winds out of her otherwise cozy house.

“Can I come in please?” Jane’s teeth chattered. She rubbed violently at her goosebumped arms, her hair in dripping tendrils around her face. Jacqueline quickly moved to the side and ushered her in with a hand on her lower back. Without saying a word, Jacqueline disappeared down the hall and returned with a towel and a blanket for the shivering girl.

“Jane, what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?” Jacqueline wrapped the towel around her. Jane quickly removed her soaked clothes while under the protection of the towel.

“Where do you want me to put these?” Jane’s teeth still chattering, she picked up her dripping clothes. Jacqueline took them and placed the clothes in the nearby mudroom sink. She then draped the blanket over Jane’s shoulders and led her to the window seat. Jane sat clenching the blanket around herself, still shivering. Jacqueline began to rub heat into Jane’s arms. She looked at Jacqueline with a brilliant smile. “Thank you.”

“Jane?” She cocked her head slightly lifting her eyebrow, all it ever took for Jane to tell her the truth.

“I saw the picture of you holding a baby with this house in the background on the mantel in your apartment. You told me once there was this little cottage on the sea that was your happy place. I took a chance.”

“You’re too observant for your own good.” She sat back against the pillowed wall and studied Jane for a moment. “James was born here. Ian and I took a last minute trip when I was heavily pregnant. A last weekend away but James had other plans. I bought the house and we spent the first six months of his life here. Why are you here Jane?”

“To make sure you were ok.” Jacqueline raised her eyebrow again. “And to find out what’s happening here?” Jane motioned between them and placed her hand on Jacqueline’s chest above her heart. Normally under Jacqueline’s scrutinizing glare, she would look away but now she held her stare unwavering.

“Nothing is happening here.” She swallowed hard. “Nothing can happen.” Jacqueline removed Jane’s hands from her chest and put space in between them. Jane’s smile failed as she saw the calculated mask take over Jacqueline’s face. One she had only just started to wear after she had learned of the depth of Ian’s betrayal.

“You never used to lie to me.” Jane didn’t hide her tears as they mingled with the water that dripped from her hair. “I’m not Ian, please don’t punish me for his mistakes.”

“You’re out of line.” She stood as her suppressed anger began to surface and walked into the bedroom. She returned quickly with a shirt and pants and threw them on to Jane’s lap. “Can you ever just leave well enough alone? I’m trying to keep you from getting sucked into this mess. Let me protect you.” She let the words ring out into the room. Her gaze softened and she met Jane’s eyes once again. “I would never punish you for Ian’s mistakes.”

“There’s the fiery Jacqueline I know. I was afraid the past month might have buried her for good.” Jane smirked and stood, the blanket slipping off her bare shoulders slightly. Jacqueline’s eyes tracked the exposed skin as the fabric inched down. Jane continued at a whisper. “It doesn’t have to be this way. You forget I saw your eyes when we kissed, I know the truth.” She brought a hand up to Jacqueline’s face and traced her cheek, the other securely holding the blanket.  “Please don’t regret me.” Jane pleaded.The anger melted from Jacqueline’s face. She moved closer to Jane resting her forehead on the brunette’s.

“I could never regret you.” Jacqueline’s words barely audible. Her eyes closed. “You deserve to be with someone who can give you all of themselves. I can’t do that right now.”

“All I need to know is if you plan on trying to make it work with Ian. If you do, I’ll walk away. I won’t come between you and your husband, I wouldn’t do that.”

“No, I don’t but I do believe in ending one relationship before starting another and if you don’t get dressed, you’re going to make a liar out of me.” Jacqueline chuckled. Jane smiled softly and lifted Jacqueline’s hand to her mouth kissing the back of it gently.

“I will be a perfect gentleman. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
